December 3, 1999 - Very Early Friday Morning
I can't sleep. It's 5:32 am. So I decided to get up and write.
I haven't
written in a while and I hate going through these periods of time when
I just
don't feel like going online to do anything. Actually it's nice in
a way not to
feel that pull I used to feel. I could barely even sit through a
movie with
Dwayne because I couldn't stay off the computer that long. I never
want to be
like that again, but I do want to at least have the desire to come online
to
write.
I tried to make the seams on this background match but it didn't work out
so
well. But I still think it's a cool, Christmas like background.
The other night, Wednesday, I went over Tim and Shari's. We had a
nice visit.
It's funny how much I enjoy just sitting and talking with them. Some
people
can't handle that kind of visiting. They need to actively be doing
something
else to distract them during the visit because they either run out of things
to
say or feel uncomfortable when there's a pause in the conversation.
It's not
like that with them ever.
Driving on my way home I began thinking about my best friend history.
I've
always had a best friend since 7th grade. In school I always got
along with
most people and had a good amount of friends. I was the person alot
of the
other girls told their secrets to and asked advice from. I think
because I've
always been really good at confidentiality. Here is my best friend
time line:
13 to 16 best friend's name was Kim
16 to 19 best friend's name was Michele
19 to 24 best friend's name was Melissa
24 to present... Shari!
There were other friends here and there that I was very close to but there
was
always that one friend who was constant. Friends are cool.
The other day while I was at work Dwayne was doing some Christmas shopping
in town. He'd go somewhere, buy a gift, and then come to my work
to show me
what he had bought. It was so cute. He came back about 3 times
and each time
was excited at finding the "right" gift for that particular person.
That's one
thing I love about him, he gets involved in family gift buying. I
think a woman
is lucky when her husband gets involved like that because alot of men are
content to stay home and watch sports or something equally lame, and let
the
women do all the shopping. Because after all, in this society shopping
is
"womens" work. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, whoever believes
that. In
this society women have to go out and work 40 hours per week just like
men.
We shouldn't have to do all the shopping on our own. And not all
women like to
shop either so don't use that as an excuse. Okay sorry, a little
preaching there
for a minute!
The other night I woke up really suddenly and my heart was pounding.
I
literally thought that had I been able to look down at my chest I'd see
the
thumping of my heart right at that moment. I looked over at
the clock and it
said 4:00am and I was trying to figure out or remember what woke me up.
And
then I realized that it sounded like someone had walked across my bedroom
floor at the foot of my bed. The floor boards creak there and they
creak alot
more if a person walks across the room as opposed to Keisha walking across
the
room. It must have been Keisha but in my sleep it sounded alot louder
than if I
had been awake. But things like that freak me out. I don't
know what it is
lately but I don't like being in my room alone at night, even if Amanda
is still
awake and out here in the living room (because alot of times I go to bed
and she
stays up on the computer or watching tv). I've never felt that way
before and
I started to think it was because of a book I started reading. "The
Oath" by
Frank Paretti. He is a christian author but writes fictional stories
kind of like
Stephen King, only his stories have God in them. But I don't like
reading about
demons and things like that, even though I know that God wins at the end,
it still
scares me.
I'm very sensitive to things like that. Which is the reason why Dwayne
and I
don't want to see "Blair Witch" and don't even want it viewed in our home
when
we aren't here. Amanda keeps wanting to see it and says that if we
don't want
to watch it she can just rent it and watch it sometime when we aren't home.
We
won't even go for that. She has whole cd's she isn't allowed to listen
to and
can't even listen to them when we're not here. Some people
would probably
think that is a bit extreme that we won't even allow it played in our home,
but
that is how we feel. A person who isn't aware of spiritual things
wouldn't
understand any of that. Amanda understands where we are coming from
and
abides by the rules of our home but she doesn't feel that there is anything
wrong with those things, her cd's and scary movies.
When I was her age I used to rent scary movies all the time. Rhonda
and I
would try and find the scariest movies to rent. But after a certain
age, or
maybe it wasn't physical age but maybe spiritual maturity, I could no longer
handle those kinds of things. I think it's because that stuff is
too real to me
now that I am a more mature christian.
Eww, I just remembered I have to do laundry today before I go to work.
It's
a good thing I don't have to go in until noon.
Fun, fun, fun...
Have a great day everyone!!!
December 3, 1999 - Friday Evening
Isn't my snowman just absolutely precious? I like him alot.
Right now Amanda and her
friend, Amber, are here torturing Keisha. They are playing keep away
with
Keisha's squeaky ball.
It's mean because that is Keisha's favorite toy of all. I swear this
dog plays like
a puppy but she's about
8 years old. She loves to play. She likes to lick too.
It's actually quite
annoying. She has
some really annoying habits for a dog but I love her alot anyways.
The good thing about being
a man is that they can pee in cups easier than women can at the doctors.
That's what I was discussing
tonight with Jeffrey, Christopher, and Ben. I hate doing that.
I miss the
cup or I completely drop
the cup and then have to fish it out of the toilet. It's disgusting.
But I'd still
rather be a woman.
Not that I have had to do that lately but I was reading this other journal
and she
was talking about peeing
in a cup.
My jaw has been killing me. I shouldn't eat bagels. That annoys it. But I like bagels. They're yummy.
Tim and Shari think that
because they have a kid I am justified in going with them tomorrow to see
"Toy
Story II". Way cool.
I can't wait to see it!!!
My tonsils hurt.
I'm still going to the movies tomorrow.
I've been desperately trying
to think of a domain name for my website. I know I probably don't
NEED
a domain name, but I WANT
one. I think it would be cool. I just can't think of a name.
I can but all
the good ones are taken.
I want something that expresses who I am. Or at least relates to
me. But it's
hard to think of one.
Any suggestions??
Okay, I don't have much to say. Night!
December 4, 1999 - Saturday Night
I feel like I got alot accomplished today. Which is awesome because
lately I
have been procrastinating way too much. There was still a whole lot
more I
could have done today during the time I took my nap this afternoon but
I just
didn't feel like it.
I got up this morning, took Manda to work, gassed up my car, went to the
bank
twice (because the first time I only cashed my check and forgot to deposit
some of it), came home and straightened my checkbook and bills out, went
to the
movies with Tim, Shari, and Krystle, came home and ate a bagel with my
little
hunny bunny (mush mush mush), took a nap after he left for work, woke up,
made out a grocery list, played on the internet for a bit, went grocery
shopping, got Dwayne another Christmas gift, came home, put the groceries
away, and now I am doing laundry while I write. =o) Oh, I forgot,
I also called
my mom. Throw in a few trips to the potty too throughout the day.
I know you
didn't need to know that but I decided to share it anyways because that's
just
the kind of generous girl I am!
I love Christmas cookies that have flour on the bottom of them. You
know the
really good Christmas cookies with the frosting on top?! They're
only good if
they have some left over flour on the bottom. I don't know why I
like them
that way so much but I do. Every time I bake them I always try to
roll them
out in lots of flour so they'll have flour stuck to the bottom. Am
I weird or
what?
Oops... gotta go put the clothes in the dryer. BRB (that means be
right back in
chatting terminology!)
Back! Okay this bugs the crap out of me. We have a laundry
room for the
whole farm. There are about 9 or 10 apartments here. There
are two washers
and two dryers in the laundry room and normally that's enough. But
there are
certain people who will use the dryers and then leave their clothes in
them all
day long and so when someone else has to use them we end up having to take
their clothes out so that we can put our clothes in. This really
annoys me.
Can't people be responsible enough to pick up their clothes when they're
done?! And who would want to leave their underwear in the dryer for
someone
else to come in and remove them. I've always been nice about it and
when I
have taken peoples clothes out I will make sure the underwear are on the
bottom of the pile so that everyone coming in and out won't see them.
But no
more Mrs. Nice Guy. Or Mrs. Nice Girl. From now on, in protest,
I'm going to
leave the stupid underwear right on top where everyone can walk by and
see
them! People... don't mess with me when it comes to laundry.
Things can get
down right ugly!!!
So we saw "Toy Story II". That was really good. I think the
first one was
better only because you didn't know what to expect and the whole concept
was
new. Like when Mr. Potato Head took his lips off and kissed his butt.
That was
funny. He's pretty funny in this one too. I do love those movies.
I should buy
them both. Another one I want to buy is "Prince of Egypt".
Gosh, I loved that
movie!
Today I had the urge to pick that scary book back up to read it some more,
knowing full well that if I read it I would freak myself out and be scared
at
night. But during the day things aren't so scary. Hmmm... don't
know what I'll
end up doing. It is a really good book. Oh well!
December 5, 1999 - Sunday Evening
Gobble, gobble, gobble - all for you!!!
Sorry, I was singing. See, Dwayne is writing a song for his niece
and
nephews to record on the tape we're giving them for Christmas. It's
a song about eating pizza. How many grown men do you know write a
song about pizza for children that include the words gobble gobble
gobble? He's so cute. He already recorded himself reading two
books that we bought for them. With our keyboard he put in
background music and all kinds of special effects in all the right
places during the story. It's very funny. I have to laugh at
his
geekiness. I also have to love him for it.
I know, I know... too much mush. But this is what I prayed for, to
fall in love with him again. And I'm going to enjoy every minute
of it
while it lasts. God does answer prayers. Not always in our
time and
not always the way we want Him to. But this time what I wanted was
within His will, of course since He wants all marriages to succeed.
I'm realizing though that it probably would have in fact happened
sooner had I been able to concentrate more on Dwayne and less on
other distractions. Circumstances were distracting me, and to be
completely honest, people were distracting me. Things were coming
between us and we were becoming cold and detached from one
another. But I am more certain now than ever that God created us
and saved us for eachother and nothing will ever break our bond.
There is no other man on the face of this earth more perfect for me
than Dwayne.
And tomorrow he'll probably annoy the crap out of me by not doing
the laundry like I asked. But that's okay. Because tomorrow
I'll
remember how I felt today, and I'll know those feelings will come
back if I'm patient.
This is one of the biggest reasons why marriages don't last. Because
when the newness wears off and the butterflies go away, people
think, "Well, that's it. We're not in love anymore. I don't
love you.
I want a divorce." But if they'd be patient the feelings would come
back again. Maybe with some work, yes, but they would come back.
There has to be more than love to keep a marriage together.
And that is my sermon for today! Amen! =oÞ
But you are not dismissed yet. I have more to say.
We saw the movie "End of Days" with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Okay, I loved the movie although it was Biblically incorrect. But
at
the end of the movie it makes you want to go out and fight all the evil
in the world and say "So take THAT Satan!!!" Well, that's how I
felt anyways.
God is cool.
December 6, 1999 - Monday Evening
This foreign guy came in to the office today. He was delivering lunch
for
someone in one of the upstairs offices. He asked us how to get to
the second
floor. Hmmm... in this country we take the stairs, but only when
Scotty isn't
around to beam us up. =oÞ I know, that's mean.
I'm just kidding. It was funny
though.
Jennifer decided that I don't write about Jeff picking on me enough.
All I
write are the times when she picks on me and she feels I need to give Jeff
his
equal time. And I suppose Jeff felt I needed my equal time of being
picked
on. He flicked my arm in the same spot several times. It hurt.
No one believes
me that my flesh is sensitive. They say I'm a sissy. I like
being a sissy though.
It's fun.
So the flicking reminded me of the part in my favorite movie, "Rainman"
when
Charlie loses his temper with Raymond and grabs him around the neck.
Raymond
takes out his notebook and starts writing feverishly and Charlie reads
what he
wrote... "squeezed and pulled and pinched my neck". Hehehehehe oh
man, I
absolutely love that movie. That's another movie I should buy because
that is
my all time favorite.
Jennifer brought in a fake tree from home, decorated it, and put it out
in the
foyer of our building. The girls from the next office started snickering
as
they walked passed it on the way to smoke a cancer stick. Girls like
this give
women a bad name. I hate that kind of pettiness. Have people
forgotten how
to be kind?
I'm in love with Christmas this year.
Have you ever noticed that on "Loveline" every problem that every person
has
on there is caused by being abused when they were a child? At least
according
to Dr. Drew, who by the way, although I disagree with, I have a crush on.
He's
quite a little cutie pie. But what kind of counselor diagnoses every
single
problem with the same thing. It's just not right I tell you!
Eww, I just remembered... I have a dentist appointment on the 21st.
So? Well,
that's the day of our office Christmas party. Oh well, at least I'll
have
something to look forward to as I'm being tortured in the dentist chair.
Just
kidding. I love my dentist. She is the very best and never
hurts me. You gotta
love a dentist that doesn't hurt. Although all she's ever done so
far is clean my
teeth, and I know I'm due for a filling or two. But I still trust
her to not hurt
me. She's that cool.
My little angel of a husband cooked dinner again tonight for us.
He's so good
sometimes. He cooked steak and rice, served me while I sat on the
couch
watching tv, and cleaned up after I was finished. I never had to
lift a finger
and he did all the dishes as he went along. How completely awesome
is that?
He didn't do the laundry but I forgave him even before I knew he wasn't
going
to do it. =o)
December 7, 1999 - Tuesday Afternoon
So I'm completely bored here at work. There is nothing going on,
the phones
are dead, and my jaw hurts. The sky is gray, it's hot and stuffy,
I turn on my
fan and then get cold. I'm really irritated today for no particular
reason at
all, and they played that stupid "Santa Baby" song. I hate that song.
Dare I
suggest that I am in a "hate it mood" today? I'm probably right.
I normally
am. =oÞ
Tonight I'm going to the Ladies Christmas Tea at my church. This
is my very
favoritest thing of Christmas. The church is all decorated and we
all sit at
pretty tables and listen to this woman tell stories. She's a fantastic
story
teller and I always get goose bumps listening to her. She comes every
year to
our church for this event. At my table? Me, Amanda, Shari,
Krystle, Mom,
Mom2 (Dwayne's mom), Sarah & Emily (Dwayne's twin sisters). Maybe
that
will get me out of my "hate it mood". Amanda is home making brownies
for
tonight. She said she accidentally took a bite of the batter.
Yeah right.
Accidentally my foot. It just happened to jump out of the bowl and
into her
mouth huh?
Okay, now I have a bunch of stuff to do so I'll leave and write more later!
December 8, 1999 - Wednesday Morning
Eww. I'm not feeling well. I started feeling yucky last night
right before the
Ladies Christmas Tea. I think I had a fever because I felt so hot
but at the
same time I had the chills.
When I got home Amanda was still working on brownies. Uncle Dwayne's
instructions were that the first batch was his and the second was for the
Ladies
Tea. Well, the first batch was fine. She just so happened to
be talking to JB
(her boy friend) on the phone while she was making them and I told her
not to
be distracted because we needed the brownies to come out good. She
sets the
timer and starts to clean up a bit. I notice the pan of brownie batter
on the
counter. I'm fairly sure it won't get done by sitting on the counter
so I
mention it to her. She giggles, and then puts them in the oven.
25 minutes later
the timer goes off and she checks the brownies. Only the very top
layer is
done as she has forgotten to turn the oven back on. But they actually
came out
very good when they were finally done. =o) Don't you love teenagers?
I was a little disappointed at the Ladies Tea because the woman that has
come
every year for the past 10 or so years wasn't able to come last night.
The
guest speaker they did have was very very good. She sang beautifully
a few
songs in between speaking. And her dress was sparkly and very pretty.
But I
missed the woman that usually comes and so it just wasn't the same.
Terry (my
sister) and Shannon (my niece) came as well and sat at our table.
Boy I'm just not feeling well still. My tummy is hungry but I can't
eat
anything. I haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon.
I don't even
think I've had anything to drink. I better start guzzling down the
water. I
did actually eat two berry flavored tums. Those ones are so much
better than
the mint flavored ones. Oh boy, I don't want to have the flu.
I can handle
colds much better. I hate throwing up. Yuck.
The Fed-Ex Guy came in yesterday! Hooray!!! He showed us a
new "Fed-Ex
Guy web site pick of the day"...
http://www.ohmygoodness.com
Go check it out! I'm done with you!
December 10, 1999 - Friday Night
Ahh, I feel so much better! Wednesday I didn't go to work because
I felt so
yucky. I either sat around watching tv, sat around reading journals
on the
computer, or I slept. Don't you hate that cold sweating you do at
night when
you're sick? And the room smelled sickly. I don't like that.
But you know
what was worse? Dwayne was coming down with a cold. He swears
that if you
eat a garlic clove, the cold will go away immediately. So he not
only ate one, he
ate two. And he STUNK. I was so mad when he took the second
one. I
literally couldn't go near him without gagging. He better not eat
anymore,
otherwise he'll be sleeping alone. I'm preparing right now for his
return home
from work. I have two ocean breeze scented candles burning.
They smell
really good, although they certainly don't smell like the ocean breezes
in New
England! I love candles!
Well, I have one present wrapped so far. One down, 99 to go!
It's very hard
to wrap in this house because we don't have a kitchen table. We have
to wrap
on a tv tray. It takes alot of skill and patience. Two things
I seriously lack.
Amanda beats the pants off me when it comes to gift wrapping. Her
ribboning
far exceeds mine. She curls the ends of the ribbons and then shreds
them.
Whatever. But yes, she's the ribbon shredder. I'm the laminator.
There can
be no openings in which to slip your finger during gift opening.
I laminate the
entire gift. One needs a swiss army knife when opening one of my
gifts.
Needless to say I go through about 10,866 rolls of scotch tape.
Oh, listen to the swift thing I did. I came home from shopping and
thought
there was change in my pocket because it was jingling. However, it
wasn't
change, it was the bathroom key for the Ladies bathroom at work.
So Kathy,
you'll have to use the mens room on Saturday! Sorry!
I have to go! I'm tired and need some sleep. Besides that I
can't concentrate
because Amanda and Dwayne are talking and completely distracting me.
I'm
SO happy I get to sleep in tomorrow morning! Good night!!!
December 11, 1999 - Saturday Evening
Sometimes I feel like a complete failure. Now before I go any further,
because I know my family, I must say that I'm not on the verge of deep
depression or anything like that. Not even close. I'm not even
over emotional
right now. Just being honest and taking inventory of my faults.
So don't
worry. But I do feel like a failure sometimes.
I'm not the wife I want to be, I'm not the homemaker I want to be, I'm
not the
Christian I want to be. Lately I just don't feel like cooking, cleaning,
shopping,
any of that domestic stuff that I should be doing. I don't view those
tasks as
menial or insignificant. Liberated women around the world might cringe
knowing how I feel.
As a homemaker I want to do those tasks and do them well. I want
to have the
type of home where you walk in and feel peace; where one can escape the
pressures of the outside world. A home where it is evident that God
dwells
there. A home that is spotlessly clean, yet still lived in; one that
is organized
and dust free. I want a kitchen table that is free of all clutter
and is waiting
anxiously to be covered with a home cooked meal, served on real dinnerware.
A
table that is surrounded by family members who have shut off the tv, radio,
and
computer so they can lovingly communicate and laugh together.
This is the woman I want to be:
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to
come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches
over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her
children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her
saying,
'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all!' Charm is
deceptive,
and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Proverbs 31: 25-30
When I compare myself to this passage of scripture, I feel like a failure.
It's
not that I completely fail all the time, it's that I fail more than I succeed.
I
don't like that. I certainly wouldn't call myself a perfectionist
because I
recognize that no one is perfect. But there is a picture in my mind
of how I
want to be and I'm no where's near close. I guess I'll have to just
try harder.
Which is why I got out my recipe folder. Ooh yum there are all kinds
of good
ones in there. I was just sharing some of them with Shari on ICQ
when all of
the sudden I got disconnected. Now, it's really windy here and several
towns
have lost their electricity. My electricity is on but it appears
that my phone
line isn't working. Weird. It's usually the other way around.
Earlier this evening/late afternoon I was at the Christian Book Store picking
up a couple of gifts. When I came out I saw a car in the parking
lot that had a
child sleeping in it but it didn't appear as though anyone else was in
the car. Is
that mother crazy? I would never dream of leaving my child in the
car sleeping
while I went in a store even if I was only going to be a few minutes.
Because
parked right next to that car was another car with a man sitting inside.
Now he
was there even before I arrived so he was probably just waiting for his
wife
who was inside the store. And I'm sure he was perfectly harmless
but the
mother who left her child in the car and went in the store must have noticed
him
sitting there. I just can't imagine why any mother would do that.
I could be
completely mistaken though. It was dark outside so maybe there was
another
person in the car with the child but I didn't see anyone. That's
just too scary
to think about. Parents should be more careful!
I'll probably be completely paranoid when/if I become a mother! When
I have
Caitlin over I watch her like a hawk. I get nervous when she eats.
I'm always
afraid she's going to choke. I hate that feeling. My own kid
will probably
eating baby food until he/she is 5 years old!
Eww, I'm trying to make a grocery list while I write. It's no easy
task you
know! I always buy the same foods over and over. I want to
be more creative
with my meal planning.
Ha! Today Dwayne and I were on our way to the bank and the car in
front of
ours had a bumper sticker that read, "Minds are like parachutes... they
only
function when they're open" and then on the other side of the car they
had a
Darwin symbol. Dwayne made the comment, and I completely agreed (although
I didn't tell him that because we were in the middle of a minor argument)
that
evolutionists are just as closed minded as anyone else because they refuse
to
even entertain the possibility that Christians are right about God and
creation.
So who are they to brag about having an open mind? And they call
us
hypocrites?!
Boy that wind is strong! I'm praying we don't lose our electricity.
I have a fit
when that happens! I need to hear the hum of the computer fan.
I just realized that I now put my grocery list in order according to the
isles at
Wal-Mart. I never thought I'd betray Shop-n-Save this way.
How cold and
heartless am I? But hey, Wal-Mart is way cheaper. Granted they
don't have
as good of a selection as SNS but they are definitely cheaper.
This week's menu:
Rice w/ Hamburg
Beans & Hot Dogs
Chop Suey
Tuna Noodle Casserole
Spam Surprise
Hehehehe, I think Spam has an unjust bad reputation. I like baked
Spam. We
used to eat it all the time growing up. There were 7 kids.
It's not like we
could afford boneless chicken and steak all the time. I'm a very
fussy eater.
But I do like Spam. Only if it's baked though. And I CAN tell
the difference
between Spam brand and no name brand. =oÞ
Next week I might try and make Chicken Potato Pie and Cheesy Hash Brown
&
Pork Chop Casserole. Don't those sound yummy?! Oh I forgot
I have to make
something for the office party on the 21st. What should I bring?
Hmmm, it
should be something cold because I'll be at work all day. Pasta salad?
I'm
good at pasta salad! I like to put salami in my pasta salad.
It's yummy that
way. Oh but I could also make Cheese Tortillini (I have no clue how
to spell
that.) & Chicken Pesto. Hmmm... decisions decisions!
I just found another dusty ladybug. Weird huh?
Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now. I'm gonna go play
my guitar and
sing!
December 13, 1999 - Monday Evening
We had a mad mad customer in the office today. Mad as in angry, and
mad as in
psycho. I didn't give them what they wanted so they were yelling
and pointing
their finger at me. Hey, it's not my decision... I'm just doing my
job. Back
off! Hehehehe... It's not really funny. Sometimes upset customers
really can
cause problems if they aren't quite stable. Oh the joys of Customer
Service!
So then the Fed-Ex guy decided to honor us with his presence. =o)
We love the
Fed-Ex guy. Have I mentioned that lately?
Amanda has decided she doesn't want to grow up, and so she bought herself
a
Furby. Now I know what everyone is thinking, at least everyone that
was
around when Kenny brought his Furby into the office. Read about it
here. But
that Furby was like ancient and it was time for it to go to Furby Heaven.
This
one will be fine. Besides, I don't think Amanda will make me baby-sit.
It's
very cute. It's a baby Furby. Amanda thinks she finally figured
out her
name. She thinks it's Ahmay. Keisha really wants to play with
her but earlier
she was howling at her. It was quite funny.
I spent half of the weekend in church. Well, it felt that way at
least. We
went to church and then we went to a different church to watch Dwayne's
mother and two brothers in a concert. Then we went back to our church
to
watch Dwayne's sisters in a Christmas play. I love watching children's
Christmas plays. Some of the kids were so funny. We were not
going to go at
first but then the girls really wanted us to so we decided to go.
We found out this weekend that Dwayne's younger brother, Philip, has enlisted
in the Marines. He is 17 and will be graduating this Spring and will
leave for
boot camp in June. That was kind of shocking since we didn't even
know he was
considering it. I think he can still change his mind because his
parents haven't
signed the papers yet. There were waiting for a little bit to make
sure that
was what he wanted. Philip is a very mature and responsible young
man so I
know that he has thought it through. He'll succeed no matter what
he chooses to
do though because that's just the kind of person he is.
Hmmm... what else is new?
The Furby farts. Just thought you'd like to know. She says
"excuse me"
afterwards. And surprisingly it doesn't smell. Hahahahahaha...
I crack myself
up. It's good that she got a farting Furby since Amanda is the Gas
Queen. =oÞ
Oh well... I need to go make dinner now! I'm making Ham and Scalloped
Potatoes. And it wasn't even on my menu for this week! How
spontaneous is
that?! I'm so proud!
December 15, 1999 - Wednesday Afternoon
I have a cold. I'm wheezing. I hate that. I had to stay
home again today. I
can't be wheezing on the phone with customers. I hate being sick.
My immune
system stinks. I don't normally get sick with other things.
Just cold type
things. I must be vulnerable to ear, nose, and throat problems.
But now I think
back, I always have been. Allergies, strep throat, ear infections...
I've always
had problems with that kind of stuff. I'm exhausted and want to sleep
but
when I lay down I wheeze worse.
So here I am, alone and sick. The house is clean (thanks to my hubby)
and I'm
listening to Christmas music. I'm fighting the urge to cry and feel
sorry for
myself. I didn't want Dwayne to go to work. There is something
about his
presence in this house that I feel I need, even if we aren't doing the
same thing
together. Just as long as he's here because I hate it when he's gone.
He's too
responsible to call in to stay home and be with me so until my brother-in-law
gets here I'm alone and lonely. (Amanda went out with Kara and AJ.)
But at least I'm prepared. I have the vaporizer running and I added
some
medicated inhalant to it. That is helping my wheezing a little.
I am flooding my
body with water and I have a huge box of Puffs Plus. I hate being
sick. I
could have the most innocent of illnesses but feel like I'm on my death
bed. I
think I'm a hypochondriac because when I woke up this morning and I was
wheezing I thought to myself, "that's it, I'm dying, my lungs are collapsing".
I
have no clue why I feel like that. Poor AJ has been sick for like
3 or 4 weeks
and it doesn't stop him. He goes to school, goes to work, and answers
fire calls,
and keeps up with Kara - which is a tough task in and of itself!
=oÞ (Just
kidding Kara! Not!) hahahaha!
Oh man, I have to pee again. BRB...
Kay, I'm back.
I hate winter. It was sleeting and raining this morning. That
is so gross. I
don't like that kind of stuff, nor do I like snow. I loved snow when
I was a
kid. I loved playing outside for hours sledding and building snow
forts and
tunnels, and then coming in and drinking hot chocolate. The last
time I tried to
go sledding I flipped off the sled and rolled half way down the hill.
It was
actually quite funny. I landed face down with my face in the snow.
I was
laughing so hard I couldn't stand up. Everyone else was laughing
too and they
won't let me live that down. They mention it every time snow and
sledding
comes up. Whatever. =oÞ
Well, I'm going to go for now. Maybe I'll write more later.
December 17, 1999 - Friday Night
The Fed-Ex Guy has betrayed us. Jennifer told me that she caught
him talking to the Christmas tree snickerers the other day. The
Christmas tree snickerers are the girls from the other office that
every time they walk past the tree Jennifer brought in and
decorated, they snicker. They are not nice girls and he has betrayed
us by conversing with them. He's naughty. And when Jennifer
confronted him about the said betrayal he made up some lame excuse
about having to be polite and say hello to them on his way in. Let's
all say in unison... whatever.
But we forgive him. He didn't know.
I went over Shari's last night so we could exchange our gifts. They
got me this cool sand art thing only it's not sand art, it's ingredients
for a certain kind of brownie that's all layered to look like sand
art. It's way cool! And then also they bought me the movie
"Prince
of Egypt" which is WAY cool!!! AND also a cool lady bug watch
thing that you attach to something. It's kind of like a key chain
and
when you push the two antennas together the wings separate and
reveal the clock face underneath. It's really pretty. Tim wasn't
able to be there because he was on a short business trip for work,
and Krystle was there only part of the time, but we had a really nice
visit just the two of us!
Boy I was in a happy mood all day today. =o)
Shari was making fun of me all day yesterday because of my cold.
Okay so I sound a little stuffed up still. So much so that a customer
kept asking me to repeat myself and said that he couldn't understand
me. Which is totally ridiculous because I talk very clearly.
But
because my nose was stuffed up I guess he had a hard time
understanding some of the words I was saying. I think he was just
hard of hearing because a little while later another guy calls up and
says he's going to just keep calling all night to talk to me because I
have a pretty voice. hahahahaha!
My sister Rhonda is staying over this weekend. She arrived tonight
with the babies! I can't believe how much Caitlin is saying now and
how smart she is. They are both getting so big. And Emely is
so
sweet and is slowing getting used to me. But tonight she was fussy
when it was bed time so to give Rhonda a break I took her in my
room and shut off the light and stood in the dark rocking her in my
arms and singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" over and over again.
She was crying alot at times and didn't want to go to sleep but
eventually she finally fell asleep so I held her after that for a long
time because the only time I can hold her that long is when she's
sleeping. She's so precious!!
Okay, I need to sleep now! Nite nite!
December 20, 1999 - Monday Morning
Okay, I need to discuss
several things. First I'd like to start with whoever called my house
at 7:30 this
morning ... I was peeing.
If you had left a message I could have called you right back. But
I didn't know
who you were. =o(
Secondly, every time I
cough this darn frog fountain goes off and it's annoying the crap right
out of me.
See, Amanda bought this
ceramic fountain thing. It's a bunch of frogs on lilly pads and placed
in such a
way that water comes spilling
out of the top frog and it spills down into two other levels of lilly pads
and
then goes back up through.
It's motion and sound activated so every time I cough the top frog starts
spouting water out of
his mouth. In other words, I make him puke. That's a nice thought
huh?
Thirdly, I was quite the
photographer this weekend. (See evidence above.) I took five
rolls of film just
of Caitlin and Emely.
Three were colored film and two were black and white film that I had to
send
away for development.
I can't wait to see how they came out! Anyways, I didn't just take
normal
pictures either.
I had to drag out one of our pretty comforters, thumb tack it to wall,
and place two
spotlights, one on either
side, to shine down on my photographic victims. I call them victims
because for
the next 3 hours we arranged
them and rearranged them and nagged them to smile, and dragged out
millions of props to surround
them with. It was a madhouse and completely disheaveled but I got
some
totally awesome pictures.
(Caitlin learned some new words this weekend: awesome and dude.
Plus she
entertained us with words
she has already learned: please, kay, yeah, silly willy, and my favorite,
kaka.)
Okay, that's all for now.
I have to go to work. I'll write more tonight... Have a great day!!!
I'm back and still coughing up my lungs. Having a cold is such a wonderful experience isn't it? =o)
Today Kathy asked me who
I was going to vote for. I'm pretty sure I know but I have no intelligent
reason why I am choosing
the one I am, because I am clueless when it comes to who stands for what.
I
don't have any idea.
I don't watch the news, I don't listen to the news, I don't read the news.
I'm going
purely by gut instinct;
there is just something about him that I really like. But that's
even if I motivate
my butt down to the town
hall to register myself. I'm such a bad American. I really
do care but I guess
I'm one of those people
that feel like my vote won't make a difference so why bother. I'm
going to
really try to overcome
that LAME excuse and vote this time. Then I'll have a right to have
an opinion
about the state of affairs
of our country.
So by the way... I have
never voted. Once President Clinton became president, although I
disagreed with
alot of things I still
was hoping and praying that he'd do a good job. I certainly don't
dislike him but if
I had voted, it wouldn't
have been for him. The first time it would have been for George Bush
because I
loved him. The second
time I wasn't paying close enough attention. I find it odd that people
get so
touchy and don't want
to talk about who they vote for and who they like. Most people act
like it's very
private. Pretty
much everything about me is an open book so it doesn't really matter who
knows my
political preferences.
I wish I was more intelligent when it came to politics but that would involve
paying attention to the
news and stuff like that and I just can't motivate myself to do that.
It's bad
enough motivating myself
to do the groceries, laundry, or cooking.
I know that sounds really
old fashioned and domestic. It's not that I don't think women should
pay
attention and get involved
with stuff like that. By all means, if you have the energy and the
time, go for
it sista!!! I just
don't. And it's not so much the politics that I'm interested in as
much as the moral
character of the politicians.
I don't know, there are alot of things I wish I knew about and could get
involved in. I just
don't think I have what it takes to be that way. I know my limitations
so I stick with
what I know and am happy
doing. If it makes me a simple person, so be it. I'm at peace
with who I am
for the most part.
Anyways...
I had to cancel my dentist
appointment for tomorrow morning. I am coughing up my lungs and I
don't
want anyone in my mouth
while I'm hacking away. I can't breathe very well out of my nose
so I wouldn't
be able to breathe and
I just feel yucky. As I was on the phone rescheduling my appointment
(for
January 20th) all of the
sudden I hear the girls behind me making chicken noises "bawk bawk-bawk
bawk bawk". Bunch
of brats! It's not that I'm afraid. Actually I really wanted
to go get it out of the
way. But oh well.
Yay! Dwayne is making
supper tonight! What a good boy! Guess what I'm doing?
Wrapping presents.
Then I'll do a little
wrapping, and then finish the evening off with a little wrapping.
Oh, and I might
wrap a few presents if
I have time. =oÞ
Aren't I queer?
December 22, 1999 - Wednesday Night
This child is wearing me out! I have my niece, Caitlin, for 4 days.
My poor
sister fell down on ice and broke her ankle. Broke it as in completely
broken.
Eww, I can't think about that or else I get sick to my tummy. Yuck.
But
anyways, her boyfriend's mom has Emely and I have Caitlin. I am having
so
much fun with her. She is beautiful and funny and so affectionate,
but she's
also alot of work! Especially when you bring her to the office Christmas
party!
I have no clue how my sister is going to handle taking care of both babies.
Yikes.
But anyways, my life has been kind of crazy this week. Getting ready
for
Christmas, taking care of the baby, doing all kinds of last minute stuff.
I'm so
tired. (yawn!)
I have no idea why but if you ask Caitlin a question and the answer is
"yes" she
says, "sss sss". She can't say yes. Man, she is so precious!
It's amazing how
much I love her.
You know what? I just can't write tonight. I'm so tired.
I would imagine that
I'll be "quiet" for a few more days until this whole Christmas thing is
over.
Night!
December 28, 1999 - Tuesday Morning
It's over! We survived another Christmas. I was sitting here
trying to think if
I have even thought about God much during this Christmas season.
I haven't.
But then I started to remember bits and pieces of times I had referred
to Him
quickly or said a silent prayer without even realizing I was praying.
I think
that happens alot. He is so much a part of my every day life that
I don't even
realize that I do think about Him but just don't remember. Still,
that's not
enough. I seriously need to make a better effort to work on my relationship
with Him.
There's alot I need to make a better effort on. Everyone jokes about
making
and then quickly breaking New Year's resolutions. For that reason
I never
even bothered. And I don't want to bother this time either because
I'd be
setting myself up for failure. I think people should make resolutions
every
day. Every morning I should wake up and resolve to do the things
I need to do.
Except as Christians we look at that a little differently. Every
morning we
should wake up and pray that God helps us to do the things we should do.
Well, Dwayne and I had a nice weekend. We went to his sister's (Renee)
house,
and visited with her and her husband, Jon, and their three children, Nicholas
(4), Mackenzie (18 months), and Brenten (3 weeks). We drove up on
Christmas
Eve day and came home yesterday. It was such a nice break from our
every
day routine. It was alot of fun to just relax all day and play with
the kids and
not have to worry about cooking or chores or errands. I didn't even
go out of
the house for 3 days. They have an awesome home and we stayed up
into the
wee hours of the morning playing this game called "Catch Phrase".
It was so
much fun and we played over and over and over again and just laughed at
eachother!
Caitlin went back home before we went up to Jon and Renee's house.
I miss her
so much. I had alot of fun with her. My sister is now having
to take care of
the babies and she still can't get around. They can't put a cast
on her foot
until the swelling goes down so she still can't even put any weight on
her foot. I
don't know how she is handling two babies like that. I guess different
people
have been going over her house to help her during the day. That's
a good thing.
I feel so bad and wish I could help her but she's so far away. I
can't just jump
in the car and run over there.
Amanda was such a good girl while we were gone! She had the whole
house to
herself and behaved herself quite nicely. It's funny because she's
17 and
that's plenty old enough to start being alone at night but I hated being
alone at
that age. Heck, I still hate being alone. I think I've only
spent 2 or 3 nights
alone my whole entire life. I'm such a baby!
I have to go get ready for work... Bye!
December 31, 1999 - New
Year's Eve
Driving home from Maine this past weekend we were listening to a Christian
radio station. A pastor on there was telling a story about how he
had asked one
of the little boys in his church if he had gotten everything he wanted
for
Christmas. The little boy replied, "No, but that's okay. It
wasn't m