I am the proud owner of a brand new, shiny, super-dee-duper urinary track infection.  It comes complete with a pee-in-a-cup urine sample, official doctor diagnosis, and a bottle of extra large, antibiotic, medicated horse pills.  If I'm especially careful I can even swallow them without choking!  And... for my sipping pleasure... it also comes with a BONUS bottle of cranberry juice!!!  All mine for the low cost of a $10 co-pay for my doctor's visit and a $5 co-pay for my prescription!  Do I even realize how completely fortunate I am to have found a deal THIS awesome?!  I mean, I even got to take off 2 hours vacation time from missing work to get all this!  Wow!

Yeah... wow.  I must be bored or something to have come up with that!  And slightly sarcastic, but only slightly.  Because I really dislike UTI's.  They are uncomfortable and painful and annoying and just plain yucky.  But I think I'd rather have the UTI than the yeast infection. 

I love being a girl.  =o)

Remember the pile of shells from my last entry?  Well, when I came home from work today this is how I found them.  The hub-inator romantically arranged them for me into the shape of a heart.  The other one is supposed to be a flower.  How sweet is that?  He's a cutie pie!

Last night we went to see "Harry Potter".  I really enjoyed the movie.  It was very entertaining and had really neat special effects.  At first I struggled with going to see it.  As a Christian I don't really like to support movies and books and other things that are about witchcraft or magic or are otherwise cultish in nature.  I know that may seem radical to some people, but I am highly sensitive to spiritual things.  I felt fine in the movie and it seemed pretty harmless.  I mean, as Dwayne has pointed out to me, we have watched way worse than a little Harry Potter movie!

But lately I have been struggling with my spirituality.  I feel very far away from God and I have disappointed myself when it comes to this situation.  It's very hard to remain a strong christian with the temptations of the world constantly surrounding you.  I mean, my faith hasn't changed; my belief system is still soundly intact.  Nothing can shake the foundation I have in God because I am so deeply rooted in Him.  But my mind does tend to wander from Him.  I stop praying, I stop going to church, I stop striving for holiness, I stop dwelling in God's presence and I stop allowing Him to dwell in me.  It's not right with me.  And I don't know how to solve this problem.

Because there is a slight rebellious nature within myself.  I want to go see movies that aren't really wholesome, and I want to listen to music even if it doesn't glorify God, and I want to be a worldly person.  These are the things I struggle with.  Ultimately I DON'T want to do these things, but often I find that I do them anyways.  And then I justify myself by saying things like, "the Harry Potter movie seemed innocent enough".  There is no justification for turning your back on God though, and lately that is what I feel like I have been doing.  And I don't want that at all.  I want to be the person that He wants me to be.

Sometimes she's stubborn though.  =o)

My little hubby went on an adventure the other day without me!  He had the Friday after Thanksgiving off and I had to work.  He went driving to the beach and picked these shells.  He says now that he picked them for me although he didn't say that until after I had a fit that he went without me!  I normally don't mind him driving off and exploring without me, in fact I'd usually rather him go on long drives without me because I get car sick!  But for some reason when he told me this it bothered me alot.  I wasn't mad at all, it's just that lately I have had this feeling that I don't want him more than a couple of miles away from me at any given time.  It's hard to explain why I feel that way; I just get this feeling of dread and doom when we are apart for a long time or we are far apart in distance.  It's very weird.

It reminds me of when we were first married and how obsessed I was about him.  Madly in love to the point of being his little puppy dog.  My entire existance revolved around him and at some point things changed and we balanced out.  And as silly as it sounds sometimes I miss feeling like that.

Grrrrr… I am very frustrated.  It all began when I made plans for this weekend and all my plans kinda went kaput.  I decided to help my sister because she just had an operation on her ankle and consequently knew that she would have a difficult time taking care of Caitlin and Emely.  They are 3 and 2 years old and very, very active.  So I told Rhonda that I would take the girls for the weekend.  On Friday I was to get out of work and go pick them up.  For some reason when I got home, had I had a fan, the crap would have hit it.  I was just plain grumpy.  And it was just stupid little things that were annoying me.

For one thing, when I got home Dwayne had taken the futon mattress off the couch and laid it on the floor next to my bed, in front of my computer.  He did this in preparation of the girls sleeping on it.  However it meant two things to me, one, I wouldn't be able to relax on my couch (the futon) and watch tv, and two, I wouldn't be able to relax in front of my computer.  And that meant two things, one I wouldn't be able to update my site, and two, I wouldn't be able to readmyfavoritejournals.  Of course he was only trying to be helpful but for some reason I was really depressed at the thought of coming home and not being able to do those two things.  So then we got ready to go over Rhonda’s to get the girls and Dwayne informed me that we needed to stop by my parents house to pick up his chain saw.  That meant two things, one, it would take a lot longer to get to Rhonda’s, and two, he needed the chainsaw to help his father cut wood the next day.  That meant two things, one, my little hubby would be gone all day long, away from me, and two, I would be stuck at the house with the girls alone all day.  That meant two things, one, I wouldn't be able to take the girls out anywhere because they are a lot of work for someone who isn't used to having kids around all  the time, and two, I would have to do all the work myself.

Time out… now, don't get me wrong, I love my nieces very much and they are a blast to hang out with.  They are sweet and loving and very well behaved when they are at my house.  But let's face it… they are 3 and 2 years old and require a lot of attention and I was looking forward to having Dwayne’s help throughout the day… you know, so that I could like go to the bathroom or something without worrying that the girls would get into something or get hurt.  Because you know stuff always happens when you turn your back for just a moment and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them while they were in my care.

So back to my story… so we stopped by my parents house and got the chainsaw and a gas can for the chainsaw and then it was off to Rhonda’s house.  On the way Dwayne and I had some deep conversation for some reason about our past marital problems.  It always happens that when he and I get in the car and go for a long drive we end up talking about deep, emotional things.  I like it actually but it can be emotionally draining.  So we got to Rhonda’s and picked up the girls (and I better save this right now before I lose it all) and Dwayne had to get into the trunk to put the girls stuff in there.  That meant two things, one, the gas can tipped over and a little gas spilled out, which, two, caused the car to smell all the way home.  =o(

It was proving to be a very bad Friday night.  And I was quite frustrated but I kept it to myself.  I didn't want the girls to have a bad time or feel my frustration at all.  But finally we got home, got the girls into their pj’s and they fell asleep.  Then Dwayne and I relaxed in front of the tv on the floor and all was right with the world.

Until we went to sleep and I woke up all through the night every ½ hour.  The girls move around a lot and I worry all through the night, when they sleep over, that they are too cold or too hot or that they'll bump their head or otherwise hurt themselves when they are moving about.  Suddenly my maternal instinct kicks into overdrive and I wake up at their slightest movement.  And since I kept waking up I realized I drank too much soda before bed and had to pee several times.  Not to mention that in the night my throat starting hurting.  Ugh.

But as soon as the girls woke up I put a bright smile on my face and cuddled them both good morning!  I hurriedly took a shower before Dwayne left for the day, got the girls dressed and fed, and here I am.  It's 9:42 am, my hub-muffin is gone and it feels like I have been awake for hours.  But the girls are having a great time.  I'm glad I can put all this stuff aside to make their visit special for them.  And now I feel better after writing, so I'm going to get going.  Wish me luck for the rest of the day!!!  =o)

This has been one of the BEST Thanksgivings ever.  This morning at 6:30 am, when we could have been sleeping in since we didn't have work, we got up to begin our day.  Actually Dwayne woke me up by kissing me and telling me that he couldn't sleep so he was going to get up and go outside to rollerblade. 

Me:  "Isn't it cold out?"
Him:  "I don't know yet."
Me:  "Okay be careful."
Him:  "I will."

And I begin to think that I'll fall back asleep.  No such luck.  I wake up and go to the window where I look down and see my little hub-muffin sitting on the steps putting on his knee pads and all that like a responsible rollerblader.  =o)  I open the window and say "Hi Honey!" and he smiles back.  And at that point I knew there would be no going back to sleep for me.  So I took my shower and got dressed and spent alot of the morning reading more of Kym's journal.  At one point when Dwayne came back inside he asked me if I was going to spend all day reading someone's journal to which I replied, "Yup.  If that's what I feel like doing I will because it's my day."  =oÞ

I did do some stuff in between reading though.  I helped Dwayne with getting the turkey prepared and I cleaned a nice spot for the Christmas tree that I'll be putting up soon.  And then towards 11:30 I started working on the rest of the meal while the turkey was finishing cooking.  YUM!  We sat down to eat (finally) at 1:30 and instead of sitting at the table we ate on tv trays so we could start watching a movie while we ate.  "Final Fantasy".  The meal was awesome, the movie was entertaining.  Actually it was very good for an animated movie.  At some point we stopped the movie and cleaned up.  Actually hub-ster did most of the cleaning.  We finished watching the movie and then I took a nap!!!  Yay yay yay yaaaaaaaay!!  I love naps!  Love them love them love them!  After I woke up I got online and started reading some more and now I'm here writing!

What a perfect day just me and my cute little hubby!  I loved my day.

I'm reading a very good journal lately.  It makes me cry.  CRY my eyes out.  Before my hubby and I got engaged, we broke up.  He broke up with me actually.  He needed space.  I was smothering him.  He wasn't ready to become serious with me.  Sexually speaking we were getting too intimate and neither of us was ready for that yet.  So one night he came over my house after work and broke the news to me.  He was gentle and kind about it but I cried and cried and cried.  I was scared to death.  I was sick to my stomach.  What was I going to do without him?  And at that point we had only been together for a couple months.

In the weeks that followed we spent alot of time together but he grew very cold and distant.  He wanted to become my friend again instead of being my boyfriend, and inside it killed me because I wanted to be the woman he loved.  When we spent time together I would ask him about "us" and if we would get back together.  He would get angry with me and avoid the topic.  I knew the more I talked about the emotional stuff the more I was pushing him away.  So I stopped talking about it.  I became his friend.  It was very hard.  I wanted to feel his touch again.  I wanted to see that look in his eyes again, the one that said he loved me.  I wanted to play and joke and laugh as lovers, not friends.  But he didn't want that.  Eventually I was able to distance myself, although we still spent every day together as if we were "together". 

Eventually *HE* couldn't stand it anymore and we got back together.  And then a month later he asked me to marry him.  Weird how things happen.  And now he's my little hub-meister.

But that journal reminded me of what it was like to lose him even though I HAD him still.  And reading it brings back all those memories.  One night last week after reading that journal I laid in bed with Dwayne and closed my eyes and thanked God that he was in my life. 

Ummm... I feel old.  I feel like an old little girl.  Like, I feel young at heart but my body is tired.  My back has been bothering me and my blood sugar has been slightly high and thanks to the approaching season of winter I get tired at 6:30 pm.  This is no lie... last night Dwayne and I were watching tv and it was 6:30 pm and I could no longer keep my eyes open.  I ended up having to take a half hour nap which helped a little but I still ended up going to bed at 10:00 pm.  Ugh... I really loathe winter and it's not even here yet.

There are a couple of good things about winter.  Yesterday I decided that I really needed to bake a pumpkin pie.  I haven't done it yet mind you.  Oh no... that would go against every slacking and procrastinating instinct within me.  However I did get as far as purchasing the ingredients and borrowing a pie plate from my Mom!  So at least I'm prepared.  Have you ever heard of a prepared procrastinator?  You have now.  Me.  So yeah, anyways... Pumpkin pie is one good thing about winter.  Or autumn I should say.

Another good thing about autumn is hot chocolate.  Not any hot chocolate... hot chocolate with whipped cream... not cool whip but whipped cream.  Let's get that straight from the get go.  Yum!  So because I needed to bake a pumpkin pie, I purchased whipped cream for the top.  Haven't had a chance to use it yet though because I haven't baked the pie.  I am pieless.  Can't have whipped cream with no pie.  HOWEVER, you CAN have whipped cream with hot chocolate!  Am I brilliant or what?!  But I didn't have any hot chocolate at home.  But I DID have some at work.  It was sitting in my drawer waiting for a cold day.  So I'm taking some home tonight so that I can make it at home and use my whipped cream which is really for the pumpkin pie which I haven't baked yet.

No wonder why I'm so tired... I talk too much.  =oÞ

Okay so yeah... my neighbors.  It's strange living in this apartment complex.  There are like 20 to 25 units in each building, a whole lot of cars in the parking lot, but I barely ever see anyone.  It's always so quiet around here.  In my apartment I can't hear any of the goings on of anyone around me.  When you walk down the hallway you can hear TV's and stereos, and sometimes murmurs of conversation.  When I leave for work in the morning there are always 2 mothers standing in the parking lot with about 6 kids waiting for the bus and I see the same man load his two small children into his car probably because he's on his way to the daycare.  THIS morning his little daughter wasn't screaming on the way to the car, "Daddy, I want my MOMMMMMYYYY."  Poor little thing.  =o(

But anyways... there are two middle aged women living in the apartment below us.  Well, they are more like in their late 50's maybe.  Is that still considered middle aged?  I don't know anymore because I'm swiftly catching up to that age!  These two women decided the best way to introduce themselves would be to come up and knock on our door one evening around 8:30 pm while we had company and ask us if we could try to keep the kids (my niece and nephews) quiet.  They were actually really nice about it and it didn't bother me that they came up.  However the kids really weren't making much noise.  But it's okay.  They were very nice and I want to make sure I do all I can to be a considerate neighbor.  So we did have the kids play quieter.

Across from the middle aged ladies lives... well, I'm not sure if it's an elderly couple or an elderly gentleman and his son or something.  I know the elderly man lives there though because he's on oxygen and hanging on his door is a warning that smoking is prohibited as there is "Oxygen in use".  And I feel sad for this man because since we've been here it appears as though the ambulance has been called two or three times.  A couple of times we have seen the middle aged ladies in the hall talking with the elderly man so I believe they are friends and I think the ladies keep an eye on the man.  Which is very nice.  I feel very comfortable living in the same building where neighbors care about eachother.

The only other man I have met in my building is Superman.  One night Dwayne and I were coming home and a man wearing a bathrobe was on his way back from taking out his garbage.  When we got inside the building he introduced himself but I don't remember what his name was.  But he said, "If you guys need anything just come on over."  And he told us his apartment number.  What a nice man!  And when he turned to walk away on the back of his bathrobe was the Superman symbol.  The big "S".  So I call him Superman, specially since I can't remember his name.  He was SO nice!!  I haven't seen him since that day but I probably wouldn't recognize him without his robe!!  Hehehehe!

I completely love it here.  I can't say that enough!   Here is a picture of our view outside of our living room window:
 

So yes, I have completely redesigned my site only because I got bored with it.  As I grow older I find that I need more change in my life.  When I was a teenager, and even a couple years after Dwayne and I got married, change was very difficult for me.  I felt disoriented even when the slightest change occurred in my life.  I don't know if it's because I'm older or if it's because I feel so secure in my life with him, but all of the sudden I need change.  All of the sudden I don't want to purchase a home anymore because I can't imagine living in one place for more than a year or two.  Maybe I feel that way because I was stuck at that tiny apartment on the farm for FIVE years!

There is one thing I don't want to change right now and that's the season.  The other day I took a walk on my lunch break.  I found myself breathing the cool, crisp air in deeply and chanting inside my head, "I don't want Winter to come!  I don't want Winter to come!"  I guess maybe I was hoping that Fall would read my mind and stay a bit longer.  I just am not happy about Winter.  Yes snow is pretty for Christmas but I have so enjoyed my Spring, Summer, and Fall this year.  I don't want those three seasons to end!  Wahhh!

But... I feel very peaceful right now.  I can not express how much I love my new apartment.  I don't know what it is about it here but I'm just in love with it.  I love that it's spacious and neat and clean and bright and I love the location I'm at.  When I walk through my door at the end of the day I just plain smile and begin enjoying my time here.  I really love it!

Well, I need to get to bed.  Remind me next time to tell you about my neighbors...  =o)