The infestation has begun.  There was one ladybug crawling up my wall last night.  A couple years ago I had such a problem with ladybugs that they pretty much became one of my favorite things.  In our old apartment we had hundreds of them crawling around and it almost seemed eerie.  Like in the movie "The Birds" and how birds are harmless but you get a thousand of them together and all of the sudden they can do some severe damage.  Not that the ladybugs did any damage.  But they were annoying, as pretty as they were.

Tonight when I came home I was looking outside my window and on the roof to the stairs there were two little squirrels cleaning eachother.  Oh they were very cute.  I took a couple of pictures but I don't know how well they will come out.  I need a camera that is like way better than the one I have although the one I have is amazing for a simple little plain camera.

My hubby is at my parents house again.  I guess I don't mind.  It gives me time alone to do things I like to do like work on my website.  I have a very hard time writing anything when there are people around.

Okay, I haven't written in a while because I've been busy moving and getting my car on the road FINALLY!!  And other cool stuff like that.  Oh man, I just love my new place so much.  It's very spacious and bright and sunny and homey and all kinds of good things!  I have a dish washer, yes I do... and garbage disposal.  I can't tell you how neato that is!  I'm going to take some pictures of my new little home!

Tonight AJ, Kara, and Baby Warren came over!  Holy moly... I cut about 12 inches off of Kara's hair because it was driving her crazy and her hair must be three feet thick.  It was NO easy task.  And Warren is as beautiful as ever.  They're going to come over again so I can take some pictures of them.  I can't wait!

And Saturday, the 27th, begins the season of the craft fair.  That sounds like a bad Stephen King movie or something.  Shari and I are going to check one out and that will be cool.  I don't end up buying alot but I sure do get some really good ideas for gifts.  Things I can make all by myself cause I'm a big girl and I'm a good gluer.  But only Shari really knows the extent of my gluing expertise.  I conveniently hide all of my talents, such as gluing and wrapping food, so as to not ASTOUND people with my skills.  I'm thoughtful like that.

I've really enjoyed my evening at home.  Dwayne has been at my parents all night helping to build another room downstairs.  I came home, cooked dinner (yum), my sister stopped by and we chatted for a bit, and then AJ, Kara and Warren came over, and now I'm here.  I have a smelly candle burning, the lights are low, and I'm playing an Alison Krauss CD.  Plus my fan is on because it's nice and toasty warm in here.  I am at peace and it feels nice to be here.

And have I mentioned lately how much I love my President?!  I really love him so much!  =o)

So I liked the President's news conference alot.  Every day I love him being President more and more.  I remember on Election Night when no one knew what was going to happen, and the following weeks when we STILL didn't know who was going to win the Presidency.  No one around me could understand why I was so caught up in the whole thing.  I didn't even understand why I was sick in my gut at the thought that he would lose to Gore.  I kept asking myself why I cared so much.  Now, after all of this September 11th stuff has happened, I know why I wanted my President to be George W. Bush.  Because in my gut I knew he would be the best.  I have not been disappointed one moment.  Not to say that he is perfect, because no human being is.  I can't explain, even in the midst of fear, why I feel just a little safer now that he is the leader of my country.  And now I can say with pride that I have faith in my President's ability and in his character.

Tonight as I watched him speaking in the conference and speaking about why he and Dick Cheney aren't usually in the same place at the same time and other security issues... it suddenly struck me that he is vulnerable even though he is probably the most protected man in all the world.  I was seeing him standing there in front of the podium, exposed to a room full of people... and I was scared for him.  And I realized that I have not been praying for him as I should.  I need to pray more and pray harder.  As a Christian I can not put all my faith in one man or even in one group of men.  I have to put my trust in God.  But like a child needs his/her father's protection, so our country needs the protection of our leader.  I realize all of this sounds very dramatic but I can't stress enough how thankful I am for this country and for President Bush.  And as I was mentioning yesterday, I pray that we pour hearts out in support for the leaders of America because we need them.

I'm over my chest cold just in time for a yeast infection.  When I mentioned a few months ago to my co-workers that I talk about yeast infections in my journal they couldn't believe I would be so open.  They were all like, "we do not need to know that".  What is up with people fearing honesty?  It's a fact of life for a woman that she will inevitably experience a yeast infection or two in her lifetime.  No big deal right?  I guess I forgot to tell them that it's my journal and I talk about what I want to talk about, honest or not.  =oÞ  So there!

So in two more days Dwayne and I are moving into our new apartment.  I'm excited and a little scared all at the same time.  It's not like we haven't lived on our own before.  I mean, we've been married for 9 and 1/2 years and have only lived here with my parents for the past year.  We are grown adults and we make enough money to support ourselves.  So I'm not sure what I'm nervous about. 

You know what it is?  I have watched too many movies.  We are now at war and suddenly nothing seems safe.  Our safety, our freedom, our economy... it is all up in the air.  You know what scares me most about this whole thing?  I am supportive of our leaders, supportive of their decisions, supportive of our country and the people who are fighting as we speak to protect us.  What scares me most are the people who are so passive that they oppose this whole thing.  Listen, we have leaders in this country.  Leaders who we have elected to make these difficult choices in our best interest.  We did the electing, now it is time for us to step aside and let them do their jobs.  We may not agree with everything they do, say, and decide, but this is not the time to remove our support.  This is the time to support them all the more.  Why don't people understand that?  Just give them a chance because I'll tell you what... I'd rather have them handling these decisions than handling them myself.  They know what they are doing.  Support your country people.  Otherwise I'm afraid we will not get through this.

Anyways, I completely went off on a tangent.  I was talking about my little life, my little struggles, my little fears... yeah, so because everything is up in the air I'm a little afraid.  If we suffer a recession for any length of time, what will happen with my job?  If I lose my job, what will happen with my home?  If I lose my home, what will happen with me and Dwayne?  I have no right to be scared about that stuff.  We have so many family members that care about us and we are so much better off than most people.  But these are uncertain times and that calls for uncertain thoughts.  At least when you're dealing with me.  Because I'm a worrying sort of person.

HOWEVER... on the other hand... I'm am so extremely excited about this whole move thing.  Living here with my parents has been great.  They have been great.  But I so long to have my own home again.  To decorate it and to clean it and to relax in it and to cook in it and to feel independent again.  I definitely need to have my own home again.

But will I like it there?  Will I feel at home there?  Will it feel warm and cozy and safe and peaceful?  Will I unpack and decorate and make it my home right away?

Or will I feel like this song I am listening to right now...

"I don't pick up the mail.  I don't pick up the phone.  I don't answer the door.  I'd just soon be alone.  I don't keep this place up.  I just keep the lights down.  I don't live in these rooms.  I just rattle the ground.  I'm just a ghost in this house.  I'm just a shadow upon these walls.  As quietly as a mouse, I haunt these halls.  I'm just a whisper of smoke.  I'm all that's left of two hearts on fire.  That once burned out of control.  You took my body and soul.  I'm just a ghost in this house."  (Alison Krauss)

Ummm, okay so I'm on my third night of insomniatic behavior.  I can't sleep for more than an hour at a time with this stupid chest cold thing I have.  I should probably be staying home from work to try to rest and get well but if I do that all I'll do is dwell on not feeling well.  At least at work I am distracted by stuff.  Plus if I stay home I'll watch "A Dating Story", "A Wedding Story", and "A Baby Story" all day long and that makes me weepy.

Speaking about babies... My niece Kara and her hubby AJ brought my little nephew over for a visit.  They put a sweat shirt on him that says "I Luv Auntie Beth".  How sweet!  He's such a precious little thing... all chubby and cuddly!

I found a recliner for $299 bucks!  A really nice one!  Poor Dwayne, every time I turn around I'm like, "Hey I'd like to have..." or "Hey, I need..."  Poor man can't keep up with me.  I'm definitely not a materialistic person but there are things I've really been wanting.  All we have for living room furniture is a futon couch and the thing stinks as far as comfort is concerned.  It's yucky.  The couch we really want is a black leather one that reclines on both ends.  It's not that expensive either, only $800 bucks.  But with moving and having to register my car I can't afford furniture on top of that!

A few weeks ago I had taken some pictures, some colored ones and also some black and whites.  I chose 4 and had them enlarged to 8x10's.  I'm going to frame them and use them to decorate my new home.  It should be really cool.  They came out awesome!  And here they are:  (click on pic to enlarge)
 

So yeah, I'm back and I can't sleep again.  It's a good thing I snuck in those two hours of sleep while sitting on the couch, watching a movie with Dwayne.  I woke up when the movie ended and we went to bed for real.  I might have slept another hour or so but woke myself up coughing my lungs up.  I'm not really coughing that bad, just when I lay down to try to get some sleep.  Wah.  This is no fun.

So I'm moving in under two weeks.  Don't think I've mentioned that here yet.  I told Dwayne that what I really need is a recliner so that when we move and when I'm sick I can sleep in the recliner.  When you're sick it always helps to sleep sitting up.  I try that in our bed but it's a waterbed and isn't prone to cooperation much.  =o)

I offered to buy myself... errr.. I mean Dwayne, a recliner for his birthday, since it's his birthday soon.  I thought that was pretty generous.  He just sorta chuckled... like I was kidding.  Hehehe!  I was kidding of course since I'm really the one who wants the recliner, but my birthday is far far away.  Which is where I'd like to keep it.  So maybe I'll shut up about the darn recliner and just deal with my insomnia!

But anyways, back to the moving part... we are moving into a two bedroom apartment so that will be pretty cool.  We don't have a whole lot of stuff because since living here with my parents we have thrown alot of stuff out.  (Don't you just love my use of the english language?  How many other people do you know can come up with so many ways to use the word "stuff" in one sentence?  I am brilliant I tell you!  I am good at using the word "thing" as well, just to let you know.)

Okay, let me try to sleep a bit more!  Nite nite!

I can't sleep.  I hate it when I can't sleep.  I'm very tired but every time I lay down I start to fall asleep and wake myself back up with that annoying whistling/gurgling sound you make when you exhale and you're coming down with a chest cold.  Know the sound I'm talking about?  And no matter how many times I clear my throat it doesn't help.  I don't really need to be sick right now.  Of course I never really need to be sick.  No one does.  Being sick really stinks.  And not being able to sleep doesn't help because sleep is what you need when you're sick.

So now it's October 1st.  You know, I always thought that the Fall season was my favorite but as I grow older I'm finding that isn't the case anymore.  The Fall season really throws me for a loop every year.  I get somewhat disoriented, not to mention the obligatory changing of the season cold that seems to be blessing me with it's presence as we speak, or rather as I type.  I'm glad there are a couple of good things to look forward to... pretty leaves, crisp fall air, Thanks Giving and Christmas.  But I normally don't like to think about Christmas until December.  I think Christmas would be alot more fun for me if we had a child.  It's nice for Dwayne and I to exchange gifts or go out and buy one big gift to share but it's not the same as watching a child's eyes light up when they open the toy they've been wanting.  We do have alot of children in our lives and it's fun to spend that special Christmas time with them but I can't help but feel it would be even more special with my own child.

But I am happy and at peace with my life.  I have such a wonderful husband and I am so blessed he is in my life.  Not many women are as fortunate as I am and believe me, I am thankful.  Maybe I don't show it as much as I should because it's human nature to take the best things in life for granted.  But I am reminded often that I have alot to be thankful for.  Dwayne is so good at taking care of me and my emotional well being.  He always knows exactly what I need and is always willing to provide for all my needs.

Well, I'm getting sleepy.  I am going to try and get some sleep or, if I absolutely can't, maybe reading will help.  Night night!

Wow, I can't believe it's September 30th already.  The older I get the faster time goes by, all except when I'm really anxious for a certain day to arrive and then it goes by slowly.

Yesterday Dwayne and I went to the fair and had a wonderful day.  It was a nice sunny day but cool enough to wear a jacket, and cool enough so that walking 20 miles didn't get me all hot and sweaty.

We really didn't walk 20 miles.  I don't think I'm capable of that.  Hehehe!  But we did walk alot.  We didn't go on any rides because at this age they would make me sick.  When I was young I loved the rides.  We walked around looking at all the animals which I love to do and we saw a horse show and horse pulling show and we ate fair food.  Man, fair food is so bad for you.  We didn't eat much though.  We both had fried dough, 2 caramel apples, (hey, fruit is good for you) and we shared some onion rings.

You know what I don't get?  We're walking down the center of one of the cow barns and all their butts are pointing at us, which by the way you need to be careful of... if you see one of the tails start rising it's time to move on to the next cow.  Anyways, the people that own the cows sit inside the barn in lawn chairs just hanging out, which is fine.  They're supervising their animals and I don't blame them.  But they EAT in there.  This one lady had a crock pot filled with some kind of soup stuff that looked suspiciously similar to her cows' dung.  Ew.  Ew.  Eww.  How do they eat in there with the smell of the cows, the buzz of all the flies, and the splattering of all the cow waste all mingled together?  I guess only farmers can do that.  Yuck.

The other night Dwayne and I went to the book store.  Now, it's a pretty large book store but not anywhere near as large as let's say a department store for instance.  Well, Dwayne and I parted ways to go look at our own kind of books.  I'm sure he made his way to the computer section (boring) and I made my way to the self help books and books about relationships.  (That's a girl thing I guess.  You never see guys in that section.)  Well, we were only in there to pass time while waiting to go see a movie, so when it was getting near time to leave I started hunting for Dwayne.  Couldn't find him.  Anywhere.  I circled that store 3 or 4 times looking up and down all the aisles.  I ran into all the same people 5 times but I couldn't find my husband.  The same clerk kept asking me if I needed help, I had to pass by the same man that was sitting in the middle of the aisle reading, I kept mistaking the same bald man for Dwayne... but I could not find him.  Eventually I gave up and was looking at the journal books and he found me.  He was in the children's section.  Silly boy.

Then we went to see the movie Hearts In Atlantis.  Wow what a wonderful movie.  Anthony Hopkins is just plain brilliant and awesome.  He and Tom Hanks are my favorite actors.  Anyways, the movie was great but it did make me sad and I cried all the way home.  I was feeling emotional anyways which just made matters worse.  But I love that in movies.  It just reminded me that people come in and out of your life always for a reason and some people you just never forget and you will always love.

Go see that movie!

My butt hurts.  I was riding my bike for a while yesterday.  And the seat should be fine.  I have one of those huge black seats with gel padding that's 5 inches thick.  My butt should not hurt!  But it does.  But it's okay because I had fun riding my bike.  My nephew, Nicholas, who is 6, told me that if I needed to I could borrow his training wheels until I get better on my bike.  He informed me it was okay to use them and that they helped him alot.  He also informed me that next I need to get a pair of roller blades like him and Uncle.  I tried to explain to him that there's no way I can roller blade.  But he has faith and insisted that with a little practice I'd be able to.  =o)  He then skated off with his arms flailing in the air making him all wobbly.  But at least he skated!  Kids are cool.

My sister called and told me that Caitlin Marie informed her today that she has the perfect place to put the Christmas Tree this year.  She's only 3 years old.  She's already acting like a little home maker.

So things seem to be almost back to normal.  And I feel guilty saying that.  I feel guilty that I can return back to my normal life but other families can't without noticing the huge gap left in their lives where their loved ones used to be.  I had a bad dream last night so it's not totally off my mind.  I dreamt that we were under attack and everyone was being urged to find bomb shelters.  But I was at home in my dream and Dwayne was at work and I couldn't find him and I couldn't get ahold of him.  It was awful.  And that is the feeling people in New York are experiencing.  Only it's not a dream to them.  I am still so sad for them.

I am encouraged by the show of patriotism.  Everywhere you go you see people with flags and posters and lots of stores have replaced their hours and sales and specials with "God Bless America" on their billboards.  The unity is amazing and it makes me very proud of my country.

Last week I was too afraid to write anything in my journal.  I was too afraid to remember, I was too afraid to forget, I was too afraid to hope, and I was too afraid to feel hopeless.  I was just plain afraid of everything.  Slowly I am recovering.  I knew no one that worked in or around the WTC or the Pentagon.  Personally.  But to me that didn't make their deaths any easier to handle.  I am sad for them and sad for their families and nothing, it seems, will ever be the same again.

But for my own sanity I must try to continue living my life, trying to be happy and trying to be the same person I was before 9/11/01.  I continue to pray for my country and fellow Americans.  God is in control... not man, not war, not terrorists.