February 5, 2000 - Saturday Night

                 Wow it's been a busy couple of weeks.  Let me start by explaining
                 today's background.  My brother challenged me to create a
                 background that is in keeping with the theme of that day's entry.
                 That's not very easy but if I manage to make one, like I did today,
                 then you'll have to guess how it relates to the entry.  This one is
                 easy.

                 But anyways... my sister and the babies are here visiting for a bit.
                 Somehow I always seem to spend money on these cute little girls but
                 I just can't help myself.  Last weekend Shari, Krystle, Caitlin and I
                 went to Toys-R-Us and WOW they have so much cool baby stuff!!!  I
                 could have spent hundreds of dollars in there!  And they have the
                 best selection of everything!

                 So needless to say, the house is a little cramped but the girls are so
                 much fun and make us all laugh.  Emely is so good now.  She loves
                 being held by all of us and no longer cries when her mom is out of the
                 room.  I'm so glad she's over that stage.  She's 9 months old now and
                 is walking all over the place in her walker.  Caitlin is a ham as always
                 and is learning all the time.  She's getting into everything these days
                 as well.  Emely still uses a pacifier, Caitlin doesn't of course.  But
                 Caitlin's latest game is to steal Emely's pacifier and put it in her
                 mouth.  She of course knows she's not supposed to do this and as soon
                 as she sees me looking at her she hands me the pacifier.

                 Well the other day I was in my room and I opened the door to come
                 out into the living room.  I had only had the door open a small crack
                 when I see this little toddler hand holding up a pacifier to me.  It
                 was so funny because she didn't even wait for me to come out of my
                 room before she handed over that pacifier.  She's so funny!  I guess
                 Emely gets her back by stealing Caitlin's sippy cups.

                 I have not had much time to come online at all.  Yes I miss it and no I
                 don't.  I just have way too much going on.  I do love to write in my
                 journal and am missing it.

                 So the Giggler and I started talking again a little here and there.
                 I'm glad because I really wanted to know how things were going for
                 him these days.  It was nice to talk to him again.  Although I don't
                 think we'll be talking much because we are both so busy during the
                 day.  I'm okay with that.

                 Amanda is doing really good at work.  She has to share a desk with
                 Jim though.  If any of you have read my "Drew and Mimi" stories
                 you'll know that sharing a desk with Jim isn't the easiest thing in the
                 world to do.  His latest irritating habit (besides keeping bowls filled
                 with dry, crusty food particles in the desk drawer) is allowing his
                 plants to grow out of control.  He has this plant which he has
                 affectionately nurtured to life, sitting on his already small desk,
                 vines draping on top of and below the computer monitor.  He also has
                 secured a baggie full of water on the computer tower with scotch
                 tape and there is a slip of the plant hanging out of that.  In other
                 words, his desk looks like a jungle.  Manda almost hates the plant.
                 Jim is a never ending supply of office humor.

                 What else is new?  There's so much and yet nothing.
                                       important useless facts:

                 ** there was a mouse at the movie theater tonight
                 ** i'm glad the mouse didn't want to see the movie we were seeing
                 ** at the movie we drank a blue raspberry icee
                 ** i'm addicted to them
                 ** icee has a website
                 ** www.icee.com
 

February 8, 2000 - Tuesday Afternoon

            I don't think I can do the background theme thing.  I can't think of anything to
            make a background out of.  And I was in a Valentine mood so I decided to just
            make a red and pink background.

            I have a few days off from work.  It's nice to be able to just lounge around the
            house.  Course I'm not able to do too much of that because of helping to take
            care of the babies.  But it's been nice not having to go out too much and get
            ready in the morning for anything particular.

            Keisha is shedding quite a bit these days and she's always leaving clumps of
            white fur behind in her travels through the living room.  The other day Caitlin
            noticed one of the clumps, grabs it, holds it up, and announces, "Keisha!"
            Hehehehe!  It was so funny.  She cracks me up!

            So we're liking our new church alot.  It's already starting to feel like home to
            us.  On Sunday we went to visit one of the couples we met there.  They're
            really nice and it feels good to get close to people at church.  I have no idea
            why it was so hard for me in the other church.  I really love my other church
            but for some reason I have a hard time socializing there.  And I also sang on
            Sunday and if felt much easier and less stressful than in the other church.  I
            think this change will be good for us.

            I had a nightmare last night that Dwayne called me up from work and told me he
            never wanted to come home again.  I know there was more to the dream than
            that but I don't remember anything else.  I only remember the pure terror I
            felt hearing that my husband didn't want to be in my life anymore.  I have no
            idea why I'm having those nightmares again.  I used to have them at least a
            couple times a week right after Dwayne and I got married.  They were so real
            that I would cry my eyes out.  I think it's because back then I still felt
            insecure even though we were married.  Maybe because I hadn't known him long
            enough to have complete trust in him not to leave me.  I used to have this feeling
            that one day he would just wake up and his feelings for me would be gone.  I
            never feel like that anymore yet once in a while I still have those nightmares.
            Weird.  Because I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is mine forever
            and that he will always love me, and I do feel completely secure in our
            marriage.

                                      important useless facts:
            ** i'm listening to a new christian cd
            ** i like it alot
            ** her name is natalie grant
            ** www.nataliegrant.com
            ** she's completely awesome
            ** completely
 

February 15, 2000 - Tuesday Night

            Kathy wants to be a hardwood and that's all she knows right now.  Amanda is
            into analyzing everyone by what kind of tree they want to be and then what
            kind of flower they want to be.  Kathy hasn't picked her flower yet - all she
            knows is that she wants to be a hardwood.  I picked a weeping willow for a tree
            and a tulip for a flower.  I don't know quite what that means but that is my
            final answer!

            Just thought I'd start with that.  Anyways...

            Hello everyone... welcome back to me!  I realize that I've been gone for a
            while.  Things have been crazy with my sister and the babies staying with us.
            But they went back home today so I guess it's back to our regularly scheduled
            program and I can pick up where I left off.  Although I almost decided to stay
            away and give up on this journal.  I'd be very sad but it's so time consuming and
            I've been into real life things more than online things.  But for now I suppose
            you're stuck with me and I'll keep on keeping on.

            Ha!  I've never used that phrase before.

            The other day Manda made origami frogs out of 3x3 post its.  She made one for
            each of us and instructed us to name them.  Here are the names we chose for
            our frogs...
                                        My frog = Tri-pod
                                        Jen's frog = Will
                                       Kathy's frog = Burp
                                        Jeff's frog = Frig
                                 Eric's frog = (I don't remember.)
                                  Manda's frog = Bob (of course)
            When Chris came in he decided to show Manda up by making an origami t-shirt
            out of a dollar bill.  George Washington's head ends up on the front of the
            t-shirt but it's side ways.  Still.  That's pretty good.  Beats the pants off the
            frog.  (Sorry Manda.)

            That was a weird day.  Manda and I were tossing my Silly Slammer back and
            forth.  She got over zealous and he landed in my trash can and got kaker all
            over his purple self.  It was sad really.  I wiped him off and put him away at
            that point.  I could bear it no longer.  It's all fun and games until someone gets
            kaker on them.  Even if they are only a Silly Slammer.

            My husband was a beautiful man this weekend.  He is precious and everything I
            ever wanted in a man.  I know he's not perfect but he's so close sometimes it's
            scary.  We had a wonderful anniversary!  We went to the movies, he made me a
            steak dinner, we went shopping.  He said we could do whatever I wanted.  It
            was a perfect day.  It was rainy and gloomy and cold but it was perfect
            because we were together.  I like him alot!

            I just overheard Amanda... she said, "Feel the wrath of my stinky breath...
            yeah, you better run."  She was talking to a ladybug.  She's being mean.  She
            said she tried to fling it but it got mad and attacked her.  I would too.  Did I
            ever mention that she is afraid of butterflies?  She said one time when she was
            a child one attacked her.  She's seriously disturbed.

            important useless facts:
            ** kathy's squirrels ate manda's corn on the cob
            ** twice
            ** i've had too much ice water - i'm stuffed
            ** my thumbs hurt from picking up the babies
            ** i got a haircut
            ** i bought new clothes
            ** we went to the movies and refilled our blue raspberry icee
            ** twice
            ** we saw "the beach"
            ** my review of it?  shoulda waited for the video
            ** we also saw "the green mile"
            ** my review?  makes my top 10 favorites
            ** course there's probably more than 10 in my top 10
            ** but hey, it's MY top 10, not yours   =oÞ
 

February 22, 2000 - Tuesday Evening

            I feel so awful about not writing in my journal lately.  I don't want to give up
            on it but there are other things occupying my time.  I think it's more than that
            though.  I haven't been able to find much to talk about and my entries have
            been boring so I didn't want to waste the time and effort on them.  I don't
            even know why I'm bothering right now except I feel guilty for not writing.
            And I have no idea why.

            I'm really frustrated at work.  Alot of it is beyond my, or anyone else's for
            that matter, control and it's stressing me out.  My wrists have been bothering
            me alot which is annoying.  I have a dentist appointment this Thursday and am
            harboring an irrational fear of being allergic to the Novocain, feeling my
            throat swell up, and dying before I can get to the emergency room.  Then I
            have a doctors appointment next Tuesday to review whether I need to remain
            on my antihistamine or not.  I know he's going to take me off it and then my
            allergies will definitely kill me.  I need to get over the impending doom I feel
            about dying from an allergic reaction to something.  I just don't know how to
            get past it.  So if anyone feels like praying for me I'd be grateful!

            So... so far I have made it sound like I am full of depression, anxiety, and all
            other things bad.  I'm not!  I'm doing pretty good actually and am happy and
            excited about alot of things.  I love my new church, my husband is a wonderful
            man, and even though my job drives me nuts sometimes I still love being there.

            It was Amanda's birthday this past Saturday.  We had a small surprise party
            for her.  She was surprised for sure.  She got a hamster for her birthday.  She
            named him Bob.  Not to be gross or anything but he has big testicles and that's
            all anyone talked about all day.  All male hamsters are like that.  It's strange.
            They are so big that my mom thought Bob was a female and was carrying
            babies.  Hahahahaha... I know I know... I can be too graphic on here sometimes.
            I'm sorry but I'm like a reporter, I need to speak the truth.

            Bob is a pretty funny and interesting character to watch.  I think Dwayne likes
            him even more than Manda does.  He spent 20 minutes imitating him to the girls
            in the office.  He also imitated how Keisha follows Bob around the house when
            he's in his little ball thing.  Dwayne is quite entertaining.  Almost as
            entertaining as Bob.

            Well, I gotta go cause my mom is coming to visit tonight!  She's going to watch
            Buffy with us!  Oh by the way, my mom made today's background!  Lovely isn't
            it?!

                                       important useless facts:
            ** i ate nerds all day
            ** i offered jen and kathy some of my nerds
            ** kathy ate some of my nerds
            ** she liked the strawberry ones the best
            ** keisha threw up yesterday
            ** manda put bob on her shoulder and he jumped off
            ** i guess hamsters are like cats and land on all fours
            ** my spell checker politely informed that hamsters is not spelled "hampsters"
            ** my mistake
 

February 24, 2000 - Thursday Morning

            I had some weird dreams the other night.  My dream time was all a jumbled
            mess.  I remember jumping into and swimming across a lake.  When I got out of
            the water there was a huge house in front of me and supposedly it was haunted.
            I was looking for a child but I don't know who I was looking for.  I went into
            the house and I don't know what happened after that.  Then I jumped into a
            different dream where Dwayne had just gotten out of prison and bought me a
            bike.  I jumped on it and started riding down the street and the handle bars
            were so wide that I could barely stretch my arms to reach them.  The seat was
            too high as well so I asked him to make some adjustments.  I don't know what
            else I dreamed that night but I do know I saw images of people I haven't even
            thought of for a real long time.  It's so weird when that happens.  I'm
            fascinated by my dreams.  I wish I could remember some of them a little bit
            more vividly.  But there have been times when I woke up and knew I had just
            had a really bad dream and was glad I couldn't remember it.

            Bob (the hamster) is a nutcase.  He has pushed most of the shavings into one
            corner of his cage and that's where he sleeps.  He also spends hours trying to
            climb up his water bottle to get to the top of the cage.  I don't know what he
            thinks he's going to find there.  Freedom maybe?  And I bet he could eat alot
            more comfortably if he didn't sit in his food dish.  I hope he doesn't poop in
            there.  Gross.

            I like my husband.  He's a cutie pie.  Last night I was supposed to wait up for
            him to come home but I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.  When he
            got home he came in our room and I woke up; he was holding some flowers that
            he got for me on the way home.  How precious.  Then I felt really guilty for
            falling sleep.  I still couldn't keep my eyes open as he tried to show me
            something he had been working on and tell me about his day.  =o(   I'm a bad
            wife.  (But it was almost 1:00 am)  Lately I seriously have felt guilty in the
            wife department.  He has been so good to me anyways.

            Today is my dentist appointment.  I'm scared.  =o(
 

February 29 - Tuesday Evening

            A ladybug just landed on my face.  I don't appreciate that.

            Well, I lived through the Novocain the dentist gave me.  I don't think of it as
            gaining a filling, I think of it as being rid of a cavity.  But now my jaw hurts.
            It better not be caused by that.  You know, even though I'm only
            almost-30-but-clinging-to-29 years old, I can feel myself aging and I don't
            much like it.  Like now for instance... I have to pee AGAIN!  I'll brb!

            Okay back to the matter at hand...

            So I got one cavity filled and am going back for two more.  That's how much I
            like my dentist.  Not.  I mean yes, I love my dentist but I don't really care for
            getting my teeth drilled and having tin foil shoved up inside the hole.  Today I
            went to my regular doctor to discuss the matter of the antihistamine I've been
            taking for the past two years.  I thought for sure he was going to tell me to
            stop taking it because I shouldn't need it anymore but he didn't.  He actually
            gave me a diagnosis.  And if I could pronounce it I'd try to spell it out.  Hold
            on, maybe it's on my papers that he gave me...

            Urticaria which in simple terms is hives.  He says it's a low-grade form which
            some people get for no explainable reason and have to be treated with
            antihistamines until it eventually goes away.  He said that one patient he had
            was on an antihistamine for 10 years and then was able to stop the medication
            with no ill effects.  My doctor does not appear to be concerned but I get
            anxiety just thinking about it.  Therefore let's change the subject.

            Have I mentioned lately that I love my little hubby?  I do.  Lately it's been
            hard for me to say good-bye to him in the morning.  It's like I don't want to
            leave with him laying all curled up comfy and cozy in our bed.  I think it's more
            than that though.  When I look at him my heart melts again.  Six months or so
            ago I almost didn't want to be around him sometimes but everything has
            changed.  I fell in love with him again which I was beginning to think was an
            impossibility.  But I kept praying and God answered my prayer.

            God's goodness to me is overwhelming sometimes.  When I think about all the
            things that He takes care of for me I am amazed.  I never recognize His hand
            in situations until I'm looking back on them and I see so clearly how He has
            worked everything out.

            Bob is a little turd.  He dug all his food out of his food dish looking for that
            one perfect sunflower seed.  He found it at the bottom of his dish.  I felt bad
            for him so I gave him a couple of treats.  The little ingrate didn't even put his
            food back in his dish!  What's really funny is that Keisha now knows Bob by
            name so if you say to her, "Where's Bob?" she jumps up and runs over to where
            his cage is and looks up at him.  That dog is a little smart girl!  Bob on the other
            hand... No, just kidding.  Bob's smart too.  I never know quite why he's doing
            what he's doing at any given moment.  But he knows and I guess that's all that
            matters!  One thing I know... when I wake up in the morning his bed is always on
            the other side of the cage.  He rearranges it every night.  Silly hamster.

                                       important useless facts:
            ** manda is snoring her guts out
            ** it's only 7:30pm
            ** she must have had a hard day
            ** she had the day off
            ** must have been the 7 dishes she did
            ** hehehehehehehe
            ** i crack myself up
            ** there has been alot of ball eating going on at work
            ** we've all been eating kathy's balls
            ** chocolate balls you bunch of nuts