January 2000

January 2, 2000 - Sunday Evening

            All I can say is woooooo hoooooo!!!  My computer still works and I still have
            electricity.  What more could a girl ask for?

            Okay look, I'm determined in case you didn't notice by the background on this
            page.  I'm determined about a few things.  I don't want to call them New
            Year's resolutions, I'll call them New Year's revolutions.  I looked up
            revolution in the dictionary and it has several meanings.  This is the one I am
            thinking of: "...a fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing
            something".  See, if I make a resolution it's like making a promise to myself and
            I don't want to make promises to myself and not keep them.  A revolution, at
            least in the case that I'm thinking of, is a change in the way of thinking.  So I'm
            thinking about changing.  Hehehehehe.  Pretty tricky huh?

            So here are my New Year's Revolutions...

            1)  I am determined to write more music.  I'd like to at least write one song per
            month.

            2)  I am determined to get more involved with my God page and make it much
            better.

            3)  I am addicted to creating graphics, therefore I am determined to use the
            same graphic for a whole month and not have a different one every day.

            4)  I am determined to work on my relationship with God.

            5)  I am determined to try to eat better and feed my family better.  This
            means cooking real meals.  This means more organized grocery shopping.  This is
            a tough one.

            Those are the big ones right now.  I'll keep you updated on my progress.

            We brought Caitlin home today.  When I went to put her down and leave, she
            started screaming.  That was hard.  She isn't even my child and she cries for
            me; it breaks my heart in the hugest way.  I love the bond I have with her but
            it makes living far away from her difficult.  I mean, she isn't that far away,
            about an hour and a half.  But that's far enough away so that I only see her
            once a month.  Her sweet little personality is so special.  She is such a blessing.
            I wish I could bond with Emely the same way.  She is opposite; she cries when I
            pick her up.  She only likes her mom right now.  =o(  Oh well, maybe as she gets
            older she'll be easier.  Rhonda is feeling better.  She still doesn't have a cast
            on her ankle but she is feeling better anyways.  She has a few people that come
            over and help her throughout the day when Tom isn't home.  I wish I lived
            closer to help.

            Dwayne went to prison tonight.  =oÞ  He's involved with prison ministry.
            Tonight he gave the sermon and he said it went well.  I wish I could have been
            there to hear him.  That would have been cool.  Course he gives me a sermon
            almost every day about one thing or another.  Hehehehehehehe I crack myself
            up.

            Eww, I have to go back to work tomorrow.  Actually I don't mind going back to
            work.  I love it there.  I just don't like waking up in the morning.  And then I
            have a hair appointment.  I know I won't feel like going to that but I guess I do
            need to go anyways.  I'm... ooh, you know what?  I was going to say I'm tired of
            worrying about my hair but I just realized that that is a stupid comment.  I'm
            thankful for my hair (as vain as that sounds) and I'm not tired of it or
            worrying about it.

            I am a happy girl today.  =o)

                                           useless facts...
            ** there is a dead ladybug lying on her back on a bed of dust
            ** my stuffed eeyore looks like he has gray hair because of more dust
            ** the spell checker on here doesn't like the word "eeyore", it thinks i'm trying to say
            "eyesore"
            ** i'm drinking iced tea
            ** manda is drawing frogs
            ** dwayne is giving her "instruction"
            ** keisha is licking dwayne
            ** dwayne thinks some guy on tv sounds like scar on "the lion king"
            ** spam doesn't taste as good as I remembered as a child
 

January 4, 2000 - Tuesday Evening

            Six Signs I'm getting old:

            1)  I get full really easily
            2)  My cheeks are getting softer like my mom's
            3)  The obvious... I have alot of gray hair
            4)  When I shave, my hair takes longer to grow back
            5)  I am more intolerant of other opinions
            6)  My memory isn't what it used to be

            These are just observations.  I think alot.  I have been thinking alot about
            getting older.  Every once in a while the fact that I'll be turning 30 in March
            bothers me.  Not that the age 30 is old.  But for me to be 30 with no children
            and not owning a home yet is old.  It's my own standards.  I don't want to leave
            my 20's.  I want to say I'm in my 20's.  I'm sad about it.  I want to be young.

            That way I can always play Walkie Talkies with my nephew.  That's what I was
            doing during Christmas.  Every few hours my nephew, Nicholas, who is 4 years
            old, would bring over a walkie talkie and hand it to me and tell me to talk to
            him.  The only thing is he would stand right in front of me and talk.  One time I
            finally convinced him to go into the kitchen.  This is how the walkie talkie
            conversation went:

            Auntie B (my walkie talkie handle):  "Breaker 1-9, do you copy?"

            Nick:  "Kay."

            Auntie B:  "What's your 10-20?"

            (10-20 I think means location if I remember correctly)

            Nick:  "ummm"

            He has no clue what I just asked him.

            Auntie B:  "Where are you?  Over."

            Nick:  "I right here."

            Pretty informative.  But it was okay, I knew where he was since I was the one
            who told him to go in the kitchen.

            Auntie B:  "Okay.  10-4 Good buddy.  Over and out."

            Nick:  "Kay."

            Hehehehehehe - Nicholas was alot of fun.  One morning he and I were the only
            ones up so we had breakfast together and had a nice long conversation about
            clementine oranges.  It was actually a debate on whether we should eat the
            seeds or not.  I won of course.  We also made Lego houses and listened to the
            Chipmunks Christmas music.  We were buds.

            Dwayne and I went to see the movie "Anna and the King" last night.  That was a
            completely awesome movie.  I cried about three times.  It really frustrated me
            that they couldn't just be in love like you knew they wanted to be.  I shouldn't
            say anything else.  I don't want to give away the movie.  It was so awesome
            though.  Go see it!

            I had weird dreams last night.  It's funny because this morning when I woke up
            and was getting ready for work I was thinking about writing them down
            because I remembered them at that point.  But I told myself that I'd
            remember them later too because I was completely awake and still thinking
            about them.  Yeah, I can't remember them now.  Hello.  I need to listen to
            myself.  But I woke up in the morning with a splitting head ache.  I knew I was
            in trouble if I didn't get rid of it so I went back to bed with a cold facecloth.
            It worked for the most part but my head ache was still present all day.  I hate
            it when that happens.

            I wrote a song tonight.  Music and everything in about 15 minutes.  That is how
            I know it's from God.  It's a God song that I wrote.  And guess what it's
            called?

            "Determined"
                                           useless facts:
            ** amanda is making fart noises with her hand - gross
            ** it's 11:54 pm
            ** dwayne isn't home yet
            ** keisha is laying on the couch without permission
            ** it's a good thing dwayne isn't home yet
            ** dwayne hasn't taken the air conditioner out of the window yet
            ** it's raining outside
            ** i know this because the rain is falling on the air conditioner
            ** Jeffrey made me record his voice mail message
            ** I heard it today because I had to leave him a voice mail
 

January 5, 2000 - Wednesday

            The Giggler and I have not been talking.  But right before Christmas I had
            contacted him about something.  He was really cold and seemed uninterested in
            anything I had to say but apologized the next day and said it had been nice
            hearing from me.  I thought for sure that meant that we had made up and would
            be talking again but I didn't hear back from him after that.  It kind of makes
            me mad.  Not kind of.  It does make me mad.  If he no longer wants to be
            friends, fine.  But I hate it when he doesn't follow through with what he says
            he's going to do.

            I would not have thought about this because I decided to just move on and
            forget about it.  But the other day Jennifer was talking with Steven on ICQ
            and they were bickering back and forth.  That reminded me of how the Giggler
            and I used to bicker whenever we were talking on ICQ.  It made me miss him.
            And once in a while I wonder what's going on in his life.  Oh well.

            The other night Jim was eating popcorn at his desk.  When we came in the next
            morning there was popcorn all over the floor.  When Jim came in that afternoon
            this was how the conversation went between Jim and Jennifer...

            Jennifer:  "Jim, I have a question for you..."

            Jim:  "Okay..." he says hesitantly, knowing he's in some kind of trouble.

            Jennifer:  "I only wanna know one thing... did you get any popcorn actually in
            your mouth?"

            Jim ate popcorn again last night at his desk.  There wasn't even one kernel on
            the floor.  =o)

            We had Chinese for supper tonight... my fortune, not that I believe in them, was
            "Happy events will take place shortly in your home".  Chinese is not the same
            without Jeff.  See, I'm working at night with Jim because Jeff is on vacation
            this week.  Normally when I work at night I work with Jeff so that's why I
            miss him.  Jim is fun to work with too because he cracks me up.  Tonight he was
            working on his first page for his website.  He put his company name, a few
            things that his company does, and the telephone number.  He thought it was so
            beautiful that he wanted to stare at it all night.  It was very funny.

            You know what else is funny?  Jennifer is going to be getting a new car when
            she gets her income tax return.  She's pretty sure anyways.  She has been
            planning this for months now.  Every day she is interested in a different car.
            Right now she's interested in a Saturn.  I'm curious to see what she ends up
            with.  I still think she should go for a 99 Ford Escort, but I suppose I'm not
            being objective!

            What am I getting with my income tax return you ask?  Absolutely nothing
            since I'll probably owe again this year.

                                           useless facts:
            ** kathy got a new stove so she baked cookies and chicken
            ** eric ate kathy's chicken at work today - she ordered with us instead
            ** i need to buy a frame for the print  that kathy gave me for christmas
            ** i made the mistake of calling it a poster the other day
            ** it's got horses on it
            ** i think kathy is the number one fan of my journal
            ** either that or she's a good butt kisser
                                     hehehehehehehehehehehehe...
 

January 6, 2000 - Thursday Night

            Okay, the #7th sign that I'm getting old is that when I took Amanda to buy
            some new sneakers tonight, the salesman kept calling me "mom".  Hello.  I'm like
            12 years older than her.  That stinks like a skunk.  I wasn't very happy about it
            but Manda was quite amused.  Ha ha very funny.

            So, let's see... what shall we talk about tonight?

            I'm SO incredibly happy that tomorrow is Friday.  Today was kind of a crazy
            day.  Jim couldn't work tonight so I was by myself from 5 to 8.  I didn't like it
            very much.  There was no one to fool around and laugh with.  And I just
            generally felt aggravated and stressed out.  But I'm feeling better now and
            tomorrow will be a better day!

            So at the shoe store Amanda only wanted black sneakers.  Oh yuck.  I
            convinced her, in that influential way an aunt has over her niece (I flat out told
            her she couldn't get ugly black sneakers.), to get a nice pair of white Reeboks.
            She actually is very happy with the choice that she (I) made.  Hehehehe!

            It's hard I know because at this age, especially since she is making her own
            money, she wants to buy what she wants and not always what is practical.  Some
            people would argue with my interference in her purchases.  But I feel part of
            my job as her guardian right now is to help her become more aware of dressing
            in a more mature and professional manner.  We've had several discussions about
            appropriate work attire.  For instance; I think her barbed wire necklace
            should stay home when she goes to work.  I forbid her to wear it at church.
            And the cool thing about it is that she doesn't rebel because she knows I don't
            do that stuff to try to control her, but to help her.  So many teenagers feel
            they need to make a statement in some physical way such as a weird hair cut or
            freaky clothes.  I want Amanda to make a statement with her personality and
            her abilities, because those are the things that will last.  She knows I only want
            the best for her so she complies.  She is amazingly easy to parent at this age.  I
            lucked out by getting her now.  She hasn't always been so easy!

            Okay so I haven't said much tonight but I'm really tired so I think I'll close
            for now...  night night!

                                       important useless facts:
            ** i changed the name of my useless facts to 'important useless facts' because kathy was
            beginning to get a complex
            ** kathy made brown turkey balls last night with her new stove
            ** eric did not eat any of Kathy's brown turkey balls
            ** i've never made brown turkey balls
            ** nor have i ever eaten brown turkey balls
            ** i like saying brown turkey balls - it makes me giggle
            ** on a related matter; 14 more days until my dentist appointment
            ** a fed-ex woman  showed up on my doorstep this morning
            ** the package was for my neighbor  =o(
 

January 8, 2000 - Saturday Night

            Well, Friday wasn't any better than Thursday and I'm so happy that it's
            Saturday!  There is a battle going on at work between ours and another
            department.  We just don't see eye to eye on some issues and things can get
            pretty heated at times.  I'm certainly not going to hold a grudge against anyone
            but I don't know how things will get resolved either.  It's an "us against them"
            mentality and it isn't good for anyone.  Next time something like that happens
            I'm going to start singing "All We Need Is Love" and holding up a lit lighter.  I
            thinks it's hard because we are part of a small company and most of the time
            it's like being in a family so when arguments occur, we all take it to heart.  Oh
            well.  I'm sure things will get better given some time.

            I just got home from Shopping.  I put all the groceries away, took a shower,
            called my mom, and now I'm typing an entry before I make myself some dinner
            and sit down to watch a good romantic comedy by myself.  I was in my glory
           today because when I went to Blockbuster I kept telling myself, "You can get
            anything you want because no one else is going to watch it with you!"  I was so
            excited at the thought of being able to pass by all the action kaka movies and
            get exactly what I wanted to see!  So I got the movie, "Meet Prince Charming"
            which is supposed to be about a couple meeting online and falling in love.  So
            I'll watch my movie, while burning a lovely smelling candle and sitting on the
            couch wrapped up in my quilt.  I'm SO happy!!!

            Earlier today however I was feeling very cry-babyish.  I got a thank you card
            from my sister-in-law, the one we went to visit at Christmas.  She made the
            card out of this wrapping paper they had.  It made me cry because I kept
            commenting over and over how much I loved that paper and so she made me a
            card out of it.  She is so creative and thoughtful!  Then after that I found an
            outfit of Caitlin's we had washed and forgot to send back with her.  I picked it
            up, sniffed it, and started crying because I can't stand how much I miss her
            sometimes.  I can't even think about her without getting emotional.  You've just
            got to know this child.  She is so precious.

            And before all that I was looking at my face in the mirror and thinking how old
            I look.  I'm getting wrinkles and you can see the creases in my forehead where
            I scowl.  I hate that.  =o(  I'm feeling so... yucky these days.  Yucky about my
            age, yucky about my house, yucky about alot of things.  Oops, I forgot that this
            month was supposed to be my "determined" month.  I guess I am determined
            though, determined to feel yucky.

                                       important useless facts:
            ** eric ate kathy's pudding yesterday
            ** amber is picking amanda up from work tonight so i don't have to - yay
            ** i was supposed to call shari but her line is busy - hmmmmm - must be reading my journal
            hehehe hahahahaha (kidding)
            ** my mom and sister are having a slumber party tonight
            ** i wasn't invited
            ** it's okay because i'd have to bring dwayne
            ** guys always ruin slumber parties
 

January 10, 2000 - Monday Night

            Dwayne and I went to the movies for our Monday night date.  Monday is his day
            off so that's a good time to spend together.  I made these cool little taco bowls
            out of  those frozen dough rolls for dinner, we relaxed for a little bit, and then
            went to the movies.  We saw "The Cider House Rules" and shared a large Blue
            Raspberry Icee.  My tongue is still blue!  Yum!

            We had a nice time and I was glad to have him to myself for a while.  I have
            been feeling left out lately.  He's busily involved with so many things I begin to
            feel as though I am last on his list of priorities.  I know I'm not and he assures
            me of the same, but I guess I'm needy in the "attention from your husband"
            department.  He's got his regular job which he works second shift, he's helping
            out a small cleaning business doing office work during the day, Sundays are
            filled with church stuff, he's involved with prison ministry, and he's got 10,322
            projects on the side.  After all that he has a wife waiting for him to pause, look
            her way, and offer a tender smile.  And when that doesn't happen she gets very
            grouchy and demanding and begins to build up resentment; when he finally
            remembers her all she can do is complain.  His smile, which she has waited so
            long to catch a glimpse of, fades quickly.

            I wonder sometimes what all this business is for.  I suddenly feel a huge lack of
            direction for us and I know we are on a path but I don't know where the path
            is going.  We get so caught up in doing things which as a result causes us to have
            to do more things to keep up.  Then we realize we are merely surviving; we're
            alive but we're not living our lives.

            But then slowly God reminds me that sure, I have alot of work to do, but my
            primary goal should be to seek Him.  When I seek God first everything else
            falls into place.  Course there are still battles, maybe even more battles.  But
            my focus becomes clear again.

            For the next month we are going to a different church.  A tiny church of about
            30 people and that's only if they all show up.  Our friend, David, is pastoring
            there and we want to go support him in his ministry and since he's Dwayne's
            closest friend we want to offer him some moral support.  But it's more than
            that I think.  We have been going to our church all our married life except for
            the 7 months we lived in Maine.  I have been going there even longer than that.
            We love our church, we are comfortable in our church.  Maybe too
            comfortable.  So we're just wanting to spread our wings a little and worship
            somewhere else for a change.  We'll see what happens!

            This is more introspection than I can bear right now so I'm outa here!

            Nite nite!

                                       important useless facts:
            ** no one ate anything of kathy's today
            ** a movie costs $7.75 at our local theater
            ** i didn't get what the cider house rules had to do with the movie
            ** the building i live in used to be a cider house
            ** we do have rules in this cider house also
            ** they are called "my rules"
            ** dwayne and manda agree with the old saying "rules are made to be broken"
            ** they are incredibly naughty
 

January 11, 2000 - Tuesday Night

            Last night I had a dream that Dwayne and I adopted a child.  It must have been
            caused by watching the movie "The Cider House Rules" last night.  Because a
            good portion of that movie takes place in an orphanage and I just fell in love
            with some of those little kids in the movie.

            So now I've been thinking about that all day.  I would adopt a child in a heart
            beat if I had the money.  I wouldn't even have to have a baby necessarily.  I'd
            take a child who was 3 or 4.  Hehehehe... that sounds like I'm talking about a
            car... "I don't need the newest model; one a couple years old with a few
            thousand miles on it will do."  But seriously, you know how most of the couples
            who adopt want a baby and will wait years and years for one?  Well, I would
            want a child that was 3 or 4, one that probably wouldn't ever be adopted
            because they were too old.  I'd love to have a child who was a different
            nationality or race.  I think it would be alot of fun raising a child who was
            different from myself, helping him/her to learn their own heritage and culture.
            We could learn and grow together.

            Why, with all the unwanted children in this world, do they make it so expensive
            and difficult to adopt a child?  Don't they realize that besides money, I could
            provide a child with more than enough he/she would need to become a happy,
            healthy, and productive adult?  I would love the opportunity to play such an
            important role in a child's life.  And I'd love to watch Dwayne be a father.
            He'd be so awesome.  I love being an aunt and Dwayne is a great uncle.  It's so
            sweet when his niece or nephew calls him "Uncle??"  They call him Uncle and
            not Uncle Dwayne because he is "the" uncle.

            But one day I would love to hear a child run up to him saying, "Daddy".

            More introspection I guess.  Oh well.

            Dwayne is waiting patiently for the computer even though I haven't been online
            very long.  I suppose I'll be nice and make this quick tonight so my sweetie can
            use the computer!

            Goodnight!

                                       important useless facts:
            ** everyone ate kathy's banana bread today except me
            ** i don't like desserts made out of fruit
            ** i don't like cooked fruit
            ** for that matter i don't really like bananas
            ** i do however like pumpkin bread
            ** kathy, i like pumpkin bread
            **      =oÞ
 

January 12, 2000 - Wednesday Night

            I had a weird dream last night.  My Nana, Mom, and three sisters came over to
            my house asking me to go out with them.  They all have kids but the only one
            they brought with them was Caitlin.  I guess I didn't feel like going anywhere
            and I don't remember why.  But I volunteered to watch Caitlin while they went
            out and at that time Dwayne was not home.  Just as they were all about to leave
            suddenly there were these huge hornets coming into the house.  They weren't
            regular hornets, they were as big as birds and had beaks like birds but they
            were hornets.  And at one point one of the giant bird-like hornets looked over
            at Caitlin and I was like, "oh no you don't!" so I grabbed her and ran for the
            other room and slammed the door.  My sisters I guess hollered to me to say
            they were leaving and I felt deserted and scared but there wasn't anything I
            could do about it.  After a few minutes it was quiet out there so I came out and
            there was Dwayne in the living room.  I was so relieved to see him and suddenly
            I wasn't afraid anymore and the hornets were gone.  And I just spent the rest
            of the afternoon playing with Caitlin and holding her.

            That dream made me miss her.  Plus my sister called and when she calls she
            always puts Caitlin on the phone.  With her sweet little voice Caitlin says, "Hi!"
            and a bunch of other stuff I can't understand.  But today, with her mom's help
            she said "I love you".  How precious.  If I ever have my own child will I love
            him/her this much?  What if I don't?  What if I never love another child as
            much as Caitlin?  I know I talk about her way too much in here!  But she's my
            little sweetie pumpkin baby doll cutie pie girl.

            Emely is very precious too.  She's getting to be so funny.  We think that she's
            going to be the boss over Caitlin even though she's younger.  Emely is much more
            strong willed!  I am still getting to know Emely.  I don't favor Caitlin over
            Emely; I just know Caitlin better.  Come to think of it though, I wasn't real
            close to Caitlin when she was 7 months old.  I guess I just need to spend more
            time with Emely.  It's hard though because she cries when Rhonda isn't around.
            =o(

            So at 1:30 a.m. as I'm about to fall asleep for the night Dwayne comes in and
            informs me that there is something wrong with our computer because he can't
            load a cd he borrowed from someone.  The solution?  He needs to reformat the
            computer.  Now I'm thinking... I haven't backed anything up so we proceed to
            get into a small argument and I just decide to go to sleep anyways and worry
            about it in the morning.  He finally got the cd to load without reformatting and
            it's a good thing otherwise he would have been seriously hurt this morning.  =oÞ

            Dwayne is being queer right now.  Manda is playing some kind of belly dancer
            sounding music and Dwayne grabs a kleenex and holds it up in front of his face
            right above his nose and starts dancing around.  Amanda goes, "Oh great, he's
            getting hyper."  She can't handle it when he's like that.  I laugh my head off.
            Now he's serenading her with a stupid song about her beeping because she's
            setting her alarm clock and it beeped.  My husband has completely lost it.

                                       important useless facts:
            ** i was wrong yesterday, jen didn't eat kathy's banana bread either
            ** i finally bought a frame for the print kathy gave me for Christmas
            ** it's a poster frame though
            ** shhh, don't tell kathy
            ** the frames with real glass in them were out of my price range
            ** we are in the process of decorating the office
            ** don't let me forget to bring a hammer with me tomorrow  =o)
 

January 19, 2000 - Wednesday Night

            Oh man I feel so guilty.  I let Keisha out to go potty and I forgot she was
            outside for like a half hour.  This dog doesn't stay out longer than 5 minutes at
            a time.  Poor little girl.  =o(  So when I let her back inside I gave her a couple
            treats.  She's such a good doggie.  But shhhh... don't tell Dwayne I did that.
            I'm not supposed to let her out alone, I'm supposed to go out with her.  I love
            that little puppy.

            Okay so I know it's been a while since I've written an entry but I've been
            completely busy.

            I had a weird dream last night.  In my dream I suspected I was pregnant so I
            decided to go to the doctors to get checked out.  But for some reason I went to
            the emergency room instead of the regular doctor and it was on a Sunday.
            Don't ask me why but it was in some abandoned building made out of bamboo
            and when I got inside no doctors were there, only nurses.  Both male and female
            nurses.  So two female and two male nurses told me to follow them to an exam
            room.  On the way I politely requested that I only be seen by a female nurse
            and that the male nurses remain outside the room.  They said that was fine.
            When I opened the door to the exam room though, my mom, my sister Terry, and
            Shari and Tim were waiting inside and on a table there was a cake that said
            "Congratulations On Your Pregnancy".  I was hesitant at first because no one
            was supposed to know; I didn't even know for sure.  In my dream I could feel
            the baby move even though I wasn't supposed to be that far along.  Then the
            dream ended.  It was so weird.  I know exactly why those particular four
            people (Mom, Terry, Shari and Tim) were in my dream though.  Mom, Terry and
            Shari are probably the three people who want me to have a baby the most.  And
            Tim was there because he automatically comes with Shari.  The rest of the
            dream makes no sense at all.  What is up with the bamboo?  I don't get that.
            But to me dreams are entertaining and I love to dream as long as it's not a bad
            dream.

            Dwayne gave me some good news this morning!  His schedule has changed so now
            he has Saturdays and Sundays off!  Before he had Sundays and Mondays off
            which stunk because I have to work on Mondays.  So I was really happy this
            morning to hear that!  But that means no more Monday night dates.  Now they'll
            have to be Sunday night dates, or Saturday night dates.  Oh well, I'm still
            happy about it!

            Amanda is going to be working part time where I work.  I actually hired her.
            Hehehehe!  But I think it will work out really well.  Work has been kind of
            stressful lately.  I hate it when it gets like this.  It's fun to have Amanda there
            though.  (I used the word "work" four times in this paragraph just to let you
            know.)

            We've been talking in British accents back and forth.  It's really funny.
            Manda's really good at it.  It makes me laugh but drives Dwayne crazy.  The
            other night he came home from work and was trying to have a conversation with
            me.  When I responded to him in a British accent he chuckled at first but then
            grew tired of it because he didn't think I was taking him seriously.  It was SO
            funny!

            Okay I have to go now.  Good night!

                                       important useless facts:
            ** i got new boots
            ** and a foot spa
            ** it vibrates
            ** which gives me anxiety
            ** i like the bubbles though
            ** and my feet smell good
            ** reeses puff cereal is really good
 

January 20, 2000 - Thursday Night

            Umm, it's snowing outside.  It's cold.  I don't like it.  But hey, look on the
            bright side, I got to wear my new boots.  It's okay right now though because
            I'm home, comfy in jammies, with a blueberry candle burning.  And I get to
            sleep in in the morning.  Life can't get much better than that now can it?

            So Kara and AJ are getting married on July 4, 2000.  Cool huh?  I thought I
            had already mentioned that here but I guess I didn't.  They were over the
            other night along with my mom and a couple of my sisters and about a million
            nieces and nephews.  At the end of the night my mom asked AJ to start the car
            for her so that it would warm up.  She told him it was the station wagon.  So she
            hands him the keys and off he goes like a good little boy.  About 15 minutes
            later he returns still holding the keys with a puzzled look on his face.  The
            conversation went like this...

            AJ:  "Ummm which key is it?"
            Terry:  "It's that one right there."
            Mom:  "It's the big one."
            AJ:  "I tried that one and it didn't work."
            Terry:  "The station wagon parked out in the driveway?"
            Mom:  "Mine is the station wagon."

            (Apparently Mom thinks he's not listening the first time so she repeats
            everything Terry says.)

            AJ:  "Yeah I was in the station wagon."
            Terry:  "The one right in front of the dumpster?"
            Mom:  "The red one?"
            AJ:  "Oh, it's red?"

            (We have two drive-ways.  Apparently he was in the wrong drive-way, hence
            the wrong car.)

            AJ:  "Oh I was in a white car sitting there for 10 minutes trying every key."
            Terry:  "hahahahahahahahahaha"
            Mom:  "hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"
            Me:  "hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe"
            Everyone else in the room:  "hahahahahahahahaha"

            My neighbor who owns the white car:  "What the heck is that kid doing in my
            car?!?!"

            hehehehehehehe - I crack myself up!  My neighbor probably didn't even see him
            sitting in there but it sounded good being added to the story.  See how I am?
            I'm an embelisher.  That's so naughty!

            Anyways, he finally found the right car.  =o)

            HA!  On the way home Amanda told me she was going to do the dishes.  She got
            as far as filling the sink with soapy water and putting a few dishes in there.
            Now she's sitting on the couch writing a song.  Hehehehehe... you gotta love
            teenagers.  I'll bet that if I mention the dishes she'll say she's letting them
            soak.  Funny!  I don't mind though.  =o)

            I'm in a good mood.  Just thought I'd share that with you all.  I haven't been
            over emotional lately which is a very good thing!

            Amanda told me today that there was a person at Wal-mart who got caught
            shoplifting.  I asked her what he was shoplifting and she said a computer.  How
            does one shoplift a computer?  How does one who has any brains shoplift a
            computer I should ask?  I guess he walked right out the door with it.  Hello?!
            How stupid!

            Well I have to go!  Nite nite!

                                       important useless facts:
            ** ummm, yeah
 

January 22, 2000 - Saturday Night

            I'm dedicating today's journal entry to my Dad, in honor of his birthday (and
            instead of buying him yet another tie).

            Dear Dad,

            I never considered myself your little girl until I sat down to write this letter.
            All of my childhood memories are of you because Mom worked second shift for
            most of my childhood.  (Dad, before I go any further, please reassure Mom that
            I have many great memories of her too.  I know what she's thinking right now;
            she's sad that she couldn't be around all those times that you had to take care
            of me because she was working.  It's okay though because she was there for me
            other times when I needed her.)

            I remember going grocery shopping with you and the only three meats that you
            ever bought were hamburg, hot dogs, and bologna.  I don't know why I
            remember that but I do.  =o)

            I remember going to the laundromat with you when our well ran out of water
            and never worked right and you had to do all of our laundry elsewhere.

            I remember going out to eat at McDonald's or Papa Gino's with you except the
            times when I was older and would cook dinner for us.  Thanks to you I make the
            best meatloaf!!

            I remember falling asleep almost every night on the couch watching tv with you,
            while you fell asleep on your recliner.  That recliner was so important it had a
            name:  "Dad's Chair".  And then when it got late you would wake me up and tell
            me to go to sleep in my own room.  I think I did that because Rhonda was
            always in our room and she hated me back then.  I guess I can't blame her;
            after all, she was the baby for 6 years until I came along.

            I remember when we had CB's and once in a while I would call you on the CB on
            your way home from work, when I thought you were close enough to the house.
            It was always to ask you to pick up a gallon of milk.  You were always on
            channel 19 and your handle was "Coffee Bean" because of your obvious
            addiction to coffee.

            I remember you taking us swimming and throwing us into the water off your
            back.  I had to plug my nose until I learned how to blow out of it to avoid the
            "water up my nose" feeling.  And I remember all the other road trips we took
            during your summer vacations.

            I remember going with you to choir practice.  I learned all the words and sung
            along in my head until I was old enough to be in the choir too!  That was a happy
            day!

            I remember watching the Patriots!  I can't believe you got me hooked on
            football.  Don't even try it with that racing stuff!  =oÞ

            I remember getting into an argument with Roland, storming out of the room, and
            hearing you behind me saying to Roland, "Now look what you've done... you've
            upset Bethie!"

            I remember when you gave me a card for no reason at all.  It wasn't my
           birthday, it wasn't Christmas... it was just a card telling me that you thought I
            was special.  I still have that card.

            I remember you buying my first car.  We never did get that thing running.  I
            remember you giving me my first computer, and then my second computer.
            (Aren't you due for another upgrade soon?!  hehehe)

            I remember when you came in my room the morning after Dwayne broke up with
            me and prayed with me.  That prayer got me through the day.

            I remember, a few short months later, you walked me down the isle to give me
            to Dwayne.  How could you after he broke my heart like that?!  (Just kidding!)
            You really had no choice because, just like you, I'm very stubborn and
            determined to do things my own way.

            I know those may seem like small things and I know at times you feel like you
            didn't show us enough love.  But I've learned that sometimes love is
            demonstrated best in small, quiet ways.  I want you to know that although I've
            had many struggles growing up, I have become a happy, self-confident young
            woman.  And although the words were never spoken; I've always been your
            little girl.
 

January 24, 2000 - Monday Night

            So did I mention I have 3 cavities?  I'm bummed out about that.  I don't want
            my mouth to be filled with fillings.  =o(  That will make 4 fillings in my mouth.
            Yuck.  But hey, look on the bright side... I got a new tooth brush and it's navy
            colored.  My favorite color.  Special huh?

            Manda, Amber, and I went to the movies the other night to see "Girl
            Interrupted".  It was a great movie but the theater was packed and there were
            4 teenage boys that kept crawling over us to get to their seats.  Everytime they
            did that it was a huge production.  I always feel uncomfortable during those
            moments because I'm not sure whether I'd be in the way more if I stood up and
            stepped back against my seat or if I just sat there.  I just sat there since they
            didn't give me much time to do anything differently.  It would have been fine
            but halfway through the movie 3 of them decided they were leaving, the 4th
            stayed behind.  15 minutes after those 3 left one of them came back and said,
            "Hey Drew," and the 4th remaining obnoxious teenage boy just waved him to
            leave.  I took one look at Amanda and we both started giggling.  I have no clue
            why it was so funny but it was.

            10 Things I Hate About Winter:

            1.  Dry skin
            2.  Scraping the windows
            3.  Wearing a heavy winter coat
            4.  Taking Keisha out in the cold
            5.  Severe static electricity
            6.  Craving Icee's even though it's 20 below
            7.  Slipping on the ice
            8.  Falling after slipping
            9.  Hurting my ankle after falling
            10.  Did I mention dry skin?

            I could probably think of 20 things I hate about winter but I guess I'll spare
            you the negativism.  =o)

            We watched N'Sync tonight on "Making The Video".  They are a bunch of little
            cutie pies!  I still like the Backstreet Boys better, sorry Jen!  Hehehehe... here
            I am, a grown woman of 29 (almost 30 but we won't go there just yet!) liking
            boy bands that are normally adored by teenage girls.  I am quite a geek but I
            don't mind.  =oÞ

            Amanda is doing really well at work.  We have a good time and giggle most of
            the day long.  I'm surprised that everyone there can handle both of us!  The
            funniest thing though is that the first call that Amanda took I don't think she
            was prepared yet and hadn't thought about how she was going to end the call.
            So she ended up saying, "Okay, I'm going to hang up now" to the customer.  It
            was SO funny!  I laughed my head off!  The bummer of the whole thing is that
            once she gets fully trained I won't even be working with her, because we have
            different hours.  That stinks thoroughly and completely.

            My little hubby is so cute.  He did 4 loads of laundry today.  I was so proud!
            Not only that but he vacuumed and cleaned and just was a very good boy.  You
            gotta love days like these!

            So we went to our friend's church on Sunday.  It's such a small church - only
            about 20 to 30 people all together.  And the benches are so hard they hurt my
            bum bum after awhile.  It's okay though.  It's so different from our church and
            I experience a strange freedom there that I don't feel at our church.  It's laid
            back and no one knows me there.  Everyone is really friendly.  It's just
            different.  And of course they already have Dwayne up on stage playing his
            flute with the band and stuff like that.  Next week he's scheduled to do the
            special music.  That man, I swear, can fit in anywhere.  It's amazing.  I wish I
            was more like that.

            I want a digital camera.  When I get one... look out, cause I won't be able to be
            stopped!  Hehehehehe.

            Well I've got to go to bed... Good night everyone!

                                       important useless facts:
            ** i'm drinking ice water right now
            ** my tummy is so full of water when I move I can feel the sloshing
            ** but water is good for you
            ** much better for you than icee's
            ** blue raspberry icee's are the best
            ** they are better than blue raspberry slush puppies
            ** the only place around here that sells icee's is the movie theater
            ** i wonder if you can go to the movies and buy an icee without seeing a movie?
            ** hmmmmm
 

January 26, 2000 - Wednesday Night

            My brother, Rick, informed me that I needed to change my background.  I was
            trying not to bog my journal down with flashy graphics; after all, I want people
            to pay attention to my writing and not the pictures.  But he's right, the same
            background gets boring after awhile so I decided to listen to him.  Now Rick, it
            doesn't happen often when someone else is right instead of me, so you need to
            celebrate while you can.  =o)  (At least that is how it is in my own delusional
            mind.)

            So I know that I'm a bit early for Valentine's Day but it never hurts to get
            into the spirit ahead of time.  Especially since Valentine's Day is also my
            wedding anniversary.  I love the fact that my anniversary is on the most
            romantic day of the year.  It seemed kind of corny at first but it comes at just
            the right time in the middle of winter to give Dwayne and I a nice break from
            everything else and concentrate on eachother.

            So while we're on the subject of love... As I was sitting here making these
            graphics I was listening to my Jessica Simpson CD; the song "I Wanna Love
            You Forever" was on.  It made me laugh because I was listening to the words of
            the chorus:

            "I wanna love you forever, and this is all I'm asking from you; ten thousand